Confusion need help soon before he calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Confusion need help soon before he calls
1
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:06pm
Okay well I had started writing in a board before this new change happened and now I am lost. But the title of this board explains what is going on. Okay I really need help. I met this guy where I used to work at and we slowly became friends. After his break up and my divorce we slowly began to get closer. Then one day without a clue I was head over heels for him. A year has gone by I can honestly say that we have remianed best friends through out our relationship. But in the beginning our this month he decides to tell me that he feels this relationship is going nowhere. WHAT? WHere did this come from? But after long talk and many tears it come down to I feel miscommunication..for lack of better words. He said that he is not looking for soemone just to date and that he wants to find soemone to build a future with. He doesn't feel that I showed him that I wanted the same. SO what is the point of being in a relationship when 2 people don't want the same. I told him that he was wrong and that I too wanted the same and the only reason I never made the relationship seemed really serious is because I didnt want to scare him away. But now that I knew how he felt it changed everything. And that I am making a career for myself but in just takes time. He asked for time to think of our talk. He seems so distant from me and as if he lost interest in the relationship. He still calls and I seem him less and less ( that was one of our small problems the lack of quality time we spent together). He is starting his own business and he told me that its a priority for him to get his business off the ground. I don't understand why is he putting my off on the sideline I am more than supportive of him. I am so confused. At times I just feel like not taking any of his calls and walking away. But I don't want to seem childish and make him think I have no patience but at the same time I don't want him to take me for granted.It's been a week since we had our talk and I don't see him making a decision any time soon.. i feel so helpless.. My future is in his hands I have no control over it. On Tuesday we were talking and I became silent..so did he..I then told him that I loved him..I missed him.. he replied me too..I then said I miss US...He answered I miss us too..He still tells me that he loves me..he still calls.. I am receiving mixed signals. Should I stay or should I go? How long do I give him to think? How can I make him react..HE either wants to be with me or not. WHat is there to think about? He knows I love him, I am his best friend, We never fight, We laugh, cry and enjoy each other when we spend time together...Why did he change? Please someone give me some advise!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:39pm
I would suggest that you let him know.. either by conversation, or by letter.. how you feel, where you are hoping the relationship will go, and how this all is leaving you with mixed feelings. I am mostly refering to his mixed.. or lacking altogether... signals. The way you laid it out here for us was perfect. You are not casting any blame, just explaining how you feel. In the letter (conversation) let him know that you would like this all cleared up by such and such a date. Until that time, continue your relationship with him as if nothing is wrong. Business as usual, so to speak. That way, the feeling of uncomfortableness will not have to hang over you both every time you have contact with each other. Tell him how it makes you feel that you are the one making all the effort.. what is the worst that can happen? You break up? Well, sister, if you don't do something soon, that will happen anyways.. so you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain.

Tracey