Convince your spouse to loose wieght
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| Wed, 08-30-2006 - 5:05pm |
I need a womans perspective.
I'm sure some people will think this is petty, but it's really starting to bother me.
I love my wife and we have been together 18 years. I have always been attracted to her and honestly still am. She is almost the perfect woman for me, but for this one thing.
She already knows she is overweight, but all she does is whine about it.
We joined a gym together 3 years ago (my first attempt at a solution), but what ended up happening is that the difference between us was increased. Now (from going to the gym regularly) I’m in the best shape of my life. I was never heavy, but now I’m ripped.
She on the other had has stayed the same or become heavier. She skips the gym a lot (we usually go together) but tells everyone she goes twice a week (when I always go). I guess what recently got me upset is last Sunday when we both went to the gym, but because the machine she likes to use wasn't working right, she sat on the couch in the lobby area the whole time.
She wont use the treadmill at home (I use it every day before work) because it's not a good as the nice ones they have at the gym.
We eat healthy at home, but I know she has fast food for lunch a lot.
She wont weigh herself or measure her waist because she "Just doesn't want to know" or doesn't want to become obsessive about every little pound or inch.
It just aggravates me that I work hard at being fit, and she doesn't. If she wont do it for herself, I wish she would do it for me. She has the potential to be incredibly sexy, but I’m starting to look away when she is getting dressed or undressed.
I know I would never cheat on her, but when hot girls at the gym talk to me it just reinforces my desire to have a wife that i'm more physically attracted to.
Any thoughts?
Ideas?

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40% was Body fat percentage not BMI. Doing some quick reseach on Wikipedia I see that BMI is calculated using weight and hight, which they didn't measure. It looks like BMI (as someone else suggested) isn't always representative of someones health.
I'm really not one of those guys who likes a super skinny girl. A girl who is fit, but with some nice curves is what I like.
-E
Body fat percentages and BMI are two different things, so that's why the figures are different.
Sheri
I know you know this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You may like a girl who's fit and curvy, but you don't always get the package the way you want it, and even if it starts out to be the right package, there's no guarantee it'll stay that way so you'd better start out loving what's inside the package! I'm not at all saying weight issues don't get in the way of happiness in a relationship because they often do. Several years ago I had a boyfriend who started packing in the food and packing on the weight. As he got larger and larger and not at all concerned about his growing size I was less and less pleased.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Can I ask you what's the same advice you'd give for a woman whose husband has been losing interest in his own appearance? Before we were married, my husband had a tighter, firmer body and he would do things outdoors a lot. Now that we're married, he watches tons of t.v. and if I ask him if he wants to do exercises with me, like pilates or sit-ups or whatever, he just sort of changes the subject or ignores the issue or something. Anyway, I'm worried he's only going to let his body-- and his health-- go, and I understand why that's something that's a little depressing to you because we want to be physically attracted to our mate.
I wish I could give advice, but I’m in the same boat as you. I think we both are running into the same issues and it doesn't matter what the gender of the spouse is.
I have known the guy who cuts my hair for many years (10 maybe)and his wife used to work with him, so I always saw them both on a regular basis. At some point she started gaining weight and got very heavy. I don't know if that was one of the main problems or just one of many, but eventually they got divorced. Right after that she lost all the weight and looked great. He confided in me that he was very angry that she felt it was OK to let herself go when they were together, but got in shape when she was dating again.
Obviously I don’t know the whole story, or at least just one side of it, but I have seen the same thing with my uncle (who is the one who got in shape after the divorce) and someone I know at work.
It’s nice to feel so comfortable with your mate that you don’t have to try as hard, BUT that can quickly slide into taking things for granted.
Any change in your situation, Rupert?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi Rupert,
Well, it's pretty clear to me that you feel that your wife is taking you for granted by not keeping up her appearance. I also started to feel the same way about my husband to a point, but to tell you the truth, now I just want him to be healthy, even if he doesn't have the same tight bod he once had (and, I'm not implying in any way that you don't want you wife to be healthy.)
What I'd like to get at is that losing weight for women becomes so emotional sometimes. The past comments that other board members made about not letting your wife complain to you if she won't do anything is important. I myself have lost 45 lbs. At one point I weighed 165, but I had NO IDEA that I had gotten so heavy. I used to be so athletic but then, somehow I let my health and my waistline go for a few years. The only thing that motivated me was that I wanted to be healthy and feel good again. I had tried for a long time to lose weight for other people and it never worked. Only when I wanted to lose weight to have a healthy body was I finally able to eat whole foods and find an exercise routine that I'd stick to (I don't like gyms so I do yoga and The Firm at home.) I know you are encouraging your wife and you are trying to be positive. Just remember, you can't make her change...only she can do the changing. Don't focus on looks (which are important too) but more on health. Continue to compliment your wife because I'm sure she doesn't feel good about how she looks but somehow she's managed to push that from her mind and forget about it. Perhaps you could see if she'd be interested in something besides the gym, like yoga or swimming or going on evening walks together. Encourage her...and, let us know how things go.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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