dang Ladies!Scare a newbie!(Msg0

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
dang Ladies!Scare a newbie!(Msg0
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 3:04pm
I HOPE "i"don't post in a wrong spot!:)

For what it's worth, there's ALOT of this

going on at all the different boards..

(deep breath)okay.. Hi all.. Kim, Atlanta,

I have a marital problem, and if I had to start

@ the beginning it would REALLY be long.. so start @


I'm really tired of my DH's little "snide remarks"

about money, and the thing is, I REALLY cannot work

right now, I've had to apply for disability, and am

waiting on those folks..(they take their TIME don't

they?). I've gotten *some* releif finacially thus far,

but if I go to work at all! then it's all cancelled

and I can't even get the med bills paid..

But everytime! I turn around! theres some sort of

"inuendo", and it makes me feel SOOOO guilty! and

ANGRY! Even on the sex issue, "he's too tired"&

i say"oh poor thing, how about a massage", then it's



This is a LOOONNGG story, but I'm not sure about

how much to say, and from other posts I've read I

"SURE" don't want to be in the wrong folder ((lol))

...don't we HATE the new format?>>>

I guess (to ME) at least, I shouldn't have to

feel guilty, or ashamed that I was so sick, hell,

I'm lucky to BE ALIVE! And if I spend 100$ at the

grocery store, well it's not like we're poor or nothing.

I'm ((guilty)) because I shouldn't have to explain

everytime I buy a pair of 10$ flip-flops @ payless, and MAD

because I am being made to feel that way.. I've always

had my own money, so I guess I have to own part of the guilt,

but on the other hand, if i did go back to work, like i said,

WE will be liable for ALL these med bills,,not to mention that

I will be in jeopardy with my health.. but, one breath it's

"do whatever.. I don't care I made such and such this week,


we've yanked this around a couple of times, beleive me, and I've

been married 13 yrs...(only stepkids)

and I'm not getting anywhere, but SICK!(physically), so

even tho i just BARGED in here I thought maybe someone

may have an idea.. If I sound a little confused here,

well, I am.. I've been around IVillage for a while, (have

a profile and all that).. but I sure could use a shoulder

to cry on..

I thank ya'll in advance, I hope I'm welcome,even without

a FORMAL INVITE! (p.s.) Really not as goofy as I sound..

just angry and Hurt..

~*~*~*~blowing GA>SUGAR KISSES~*~*~* Kim
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 3:55pm
aww.. i was hoping for some feeback, but i got archived..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 12:19pm
You're kind of all over the map here kimmie, but it sounds like you've got money problems that are at least partly due to a medical condition and your inability (?) to work. Sounds like you may be able to work, but if you did you would not be eligible for the disability you've filed for and would be responsible for medical bills you've incurred if that happened. It sounds like your husband is concerned about money and his concern is reflected in his sexual desire and his reaction to your purchases. Without knowing how tight your money situation is, or what your spending habits are, it's impossible to have an opinion on whether or not your husband's reaction is justified. If you're having trouble paying the utilities, etc. I personally wouldn't buy a pair of $10 flip-flops or anything else I didn't absolutely have to have; not making a judgment (I can't, I don't know enough to judge!) just stating my thoughts.

I'd say it's time to sit down and have a very serious talk with your husband about what he thinks should happen here. Does he want you to go back to work (thereby making the two of you responsible for the medical expenses?) so that more money's coming in? Are your purchases justified considering your financial situation or do you need to be more responsible for the time being? If your spending is justified and necessary, I'd suggest making him a part of the process. Have him help make the shopping list and go shopping with you. It may be quite an eye opener as to how much things cost and how necessary items add up. You may find some tips and suggestions for hurrying-up your disability claim on the Health Channel's Worker's Comp and SSDI board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhssdi

It sounds like money and spending is at the root of your problems here. Until you reach some understanding and agreement on that you're going to continue to see it affect your marriage and relationship in general. If it's do-able, a team effort and some understanding may go a long way in helping the two of you through this difficult time.


"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"