desperate to find others who understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2014
desperate to find others who understand
Tue, 03-18-2014 - 5:51pm

I'm 6 weeks later after finding out my partner is a sex addict and has done the absolute most horrific things to me and our family. I feel so alone :( We are trying to work through this together but the pain is immeasurable and I'm wondering if any of you ladies may have gone through similar. Its hard to talk to anyone in my life about this issue and I'm worried I'm isolating myself. Any ideas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 03-18-2014 - 11:56pm

Sorry, but you need to share more information for anyone to attempt to advise you.  "Sex Addict" is a very much disputed term....many men use it to explain cheating, but from the sound of your post, this isn't what he's done.  Horrific things to you AND your family?  This is an anonymous board, so there's no reason why you can't just say what he's done.  And why would you isolate yourself?  YOU haven't done anything except maybe use poor judgement in picking a man, and since he's just a "partner"......I'm hoping he's no longer in your life after doing terrible things to you and your family.  If you want understanding (or advice) beyond sympathy for your mental or physical pain, then you have to explain what's happened, and how it affected your whole family.  No one can tell you if they've gone thru "it" if we don't know what "it" is.  Please give us more information.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 03-20-2014 - 11:14am

I agree with everything that Fissatore said; more information is needed because the phrase 'sex addict' is broad, where men can use it loosely if they just can't be faithful, etc. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Either way, being cheated on is a horrible feeling.

Don't isolate yourself. If anything, you can be VERY open here because this is an anonymous board and we've all been through something and/or want to help others who reach out for assistance. Keeping it in is not helpful in my opinion. It feels so much better to get it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 03-20-2014 - 2:28pm

This same post was under "Betrayed Spouses" and the OP hasn't returned there either.  It was a very strong "reaction" to a "betrayal"......which wouldn't necessarily result in being "horrendous" to the whole family, or at least it shouldn't.....unless she spilled her guts to her children (VERY wrong) or other relatives.....OR, this was just a "vent" to a shocking revelation, and the OP won't be back to check for replies.  I hope she's doing ok.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 12:43am

Welcome to the board, Lesleydenise79 ~

It is important to better understand your situation so that we can be sure we're touching on the right situation, and with that, providing thoughts and suggestions that can hope to hit the mark.  Isolating yourself is understandable, it's hard to talk to others when your life doesn't hold much that they could relate to or that you feel you can talk about.  Just like a woman who's in an abusive or alcoholic/addicted relationship pulls away from friends and family, sex addiction can easily cause the same kind of withdrawal.  Since you're withdrawing, I'm guessing you're still living with your partner?  Is your partner getting professional help for the addiction?  What kind of sex addiction does your partner have?  

There were several informational/help posts for sex addiction on this board, but since the board format changed a while back, things have been a mess.  I'm going to see if I can locate them and post them here for you.  

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  We're here for you.

~ cl-2nd_life