DH doesn't like kissing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
DH doesn't like kissing
9
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 5:43pm
Hi there. DH and I have been married for almost 2 years now. We have 10.5 years gap. He is really a good husband and I know he loves me as much as I do. What bothers me is he never likes to kiss. One time, I asked him if he can give me a kiss goodnight and guess what he told me, "Do we have to do this religiously? I am affectionate to him and I just want him to be affectionate too. Is this too much to ask to my husband? What do you think should I do? Any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 9:19pm
Hello Alexis8069! Something poses some questions to me about your post. You two have been around each other for some time - I don't know, but it seems to me that you knew that he was like this beforehand. Meaning, not as affectionate as you. Forgive me if I am wrong. In my relationship, I am not the affectionate one - so I kind of "sorta" relate to your husband (although, I would have not expressed myself that way-the female in me, I guess, smile). Since I don't know all the details, I'll keep this brief. Take care and God Bless you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 11:15pm

Welcome to the board, Alexis8069 ~


Wanting more physical affection isn't generally too much to ask, but it sounds like it is too much to ask from your husband. From what you've said, your husband has never liked to kiss. Some people like to kiss, some don't. He's one that doesn't, and that's not going to change. I suspect you knew he didn't like to kiss much before marriage and probably the amount of kissing you do has dropped since your pre-marriage days. Hate to say it, but you married a guy you knew didn't like to kiss and that's exactly what you have -- a guy who doesn't like to kiss. I think you could talk to him and tell him that you would really like to kiss much more often than you do and that you'd like to work up a compromise with him, he kisses more often than he'd prefer and you don't bug him for as much as you'd like. He may agree, or he may not. Since you entered the marriage knowing his level of kissing wasn't compatible to yours, you're really not in a position to insist on anything, unless he led you to believe that you could expect a lot of kissing. Unless that's the case, I'm afraid you're stuck married to a guy who's proven to be exactly what he showed himself to be -- someone who doesn't like to kiss.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 5:18pm

Thanks you freedom and cl-2nd life for posting your comments. I was just worried that maybe DH doesn't love me that much anymore like he used to. I think I am just being sensitive and a little immature here. I know Love is not just about kissing and such. And I see some other things in him that shows how much he loves eventhough he's not affectionate enough. He's a good listener, patient, understanding and sincere.

Again, thanks to you both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:36pm

Wait a minute Alexis, there is nothing immature about wanting more kissing if that's what you want and I don't think you're being oversensitive either. There is certainly more to love than physical affection, but physical affection is certainly part of love and in romantic relationships (like those between husband and wife), it certainly has a place. I know if my husband stopped giving me physical affection I would believe something was wrong and I would question his feelings for me and for our relationship, because it would be a change from what's normal for him. And yes, there are many qualities that are important, but that doesn't mean affection isn't an important quality too or that it should be overlooked because other good qualities are present.


In your last post you indicated your husband has never liked kissing, but in this post you indicate this is a change. Help me out, has he never liked kissing (have you always known you liked more kissing than he does) and maybe it's lessened even more over the course of your marriage or did he make a change from at least seeming to like kissing (if not in words in the amount of kissing he did with you) to pretty much stopping altogether or begrudgingly kissing you when you pushed it?


The point in my post was that people are who they are, some like some things more than others. Neither are wrong, just different. We've heard from many women who married men they knew weren't physically demonstrative only to find that their need didn't become less, it became more -- they don't get used to what's missing, they crave it more.


So, what's your situation? How has it changed? And have you talked to him about it?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 5:24pm
He used to kiss me but I noticed that in the past few months, he doesn't want to do it anymore. I talked to him and I remember him saying "kissing is not that exciting at my age". (he is 36 and I am 25.5). If I am going to talk to him about this again, I am not sure what to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:26pm

My DH is in his 30s too and one of his favorite things is kissing. So it is not an age thing... IMO.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 11:58pm

I agree with Jen. What he said sounds like an excuse, age doesn't have anything to do with how much you like to kiss, and you certainly don't stop liking it abruptly over a period of a few months.


Is something going on between you, any problems or issues? Is he stressed at work? Is he acting differently in any other areas?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:48am

Alexis...


My x2b didn't like to kiss and was very standoffish when it came to me being too affectionate to him when he wasn't interested in sex at that "moment".

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:54pm

Di,

I had the same thought....

Jen