Did he really mean it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
Did he really mean it?
6
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 1:00am

Hi Everyone,

I have been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 1:41am
People say a lot of things they don't mean when their drunk. If he really meant all those things he would tell them to you when he's sober. If I were you I'd think twice about a future with a man that drinks until he's "really drunk" Not exactly good husband and father material.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 7:22am

It is true that people sometimes say things they don't mean when they are drunk. On the other hand, maybe he does feel like that and only when he is drunk he has has the strenght to say it. Sometimes when you people drink they really do say what is on their mind because they are too scared to do it when sober. If you already told him that you want things to go slow, he is probably afraid to say anything else to you about it when sober. If he really does love you and if he meant those things, give him time and I am sure he will get to the point when he feels comfortable telling when not under the influence of alcohol.

peaceyma wrote:
People say a lot of things they don't mean when their drunk. If he really meant all those things he would tell them to you when he's sober. If I were you I'd think twice about a future with a man that drinks until he's "really drunk" Not exactly good husband and father material.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 3:48pm

If he is able to tell you how he feels about you while sober, and act consistently with his words, then he means it. But I would by NO means take his drunken words seriously. I would really have to wonder what your year-long relationship has been like if you are asking these questions now. I agree that you should have these discussions when sober; if he's made a habit of only being this straightforward when he's drunk, then I would probably not consider him mature enough to seriously consider marriage at all. He also told you pretty certainly when he was sober that he's not ready to think about marriage - You really got the best answer directly from him, what else is there to say?

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 8:51pm
A belated welcome to the board, Janetk2115 ~ I don't think it's worth spending time wondering whether he meant it or not; whether he did or not it doesn't matter until he says it sober. The bigger question Is does he have a problem expressing himself generally? Do you have a hard time being clear about how he feels and his wants, needs, satisfaction, etc.? If so, I'd be concerned about committing to any kind of long term relationship with him.

~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 8:05pm

When you want someone to express their true feelings, someone told me to get them drunk and their true feelings will show. I do believe thats how he feels but hes also scared of getting hurt. Just give him sometime and he should come around.

www.findingfreedomteam.com/ KLittle
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2011
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 10:32pm

If you don't want to marry this guy you should tell him. You have been with this guy for a year, and that is usually the time when a romantic relatinship becomes more cemented. He is stressed that you are not being honest with him or yourself. You weren't with him on his birthday? Were you working or away? He was probably disappointed that you weren't there. You need to look into yourself and ask yourself if you want to marry him. If not, you should tell him. I'm afraid that he will be heartbroken, and yur relationship may not last after that. Honesty about your feelings is important.