Disappointed in Marriage after children

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2011
Disappointed in Marriage after children
30
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 3:02pm

My husband and I have been married for less than two years. We found five months in that we were expecting.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 3:40pm

Was your relationship not like this before you got married and had a baby? How long did you date before marrying?

Is it possible that he goes to the gym in order to get "escape time" away from you and the baby?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 4:23pm

Did you ever ask your DH why he never seems to want to go out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 4:25pm

Our relationship was nowhere near this before we were married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2011
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 4:43pm
I think about counseling all the time. To be honest, we had a little bit of a falling out at the beginning of our marriage, there was another woman that he talked to all the time - I don't know if anything past that went on. Anyway, I wanted to go to couseling for that and he refused. He told me that he loved me and wanted to work on our brand-new marriage but he refused to talk to someone he didn't know about it. I guess I don't 'really' know he's not cheating. Nothing seems strange or out of the ordinary, he comes home on time and is always where he says he will be. I hate that he seems to be satisfied with occasional mediocre sex. My body isn't as great as it used to be pre-baby, but I'm back to my normal weight and am just working on toning so I don't know why that would turn him off so much. I just feel like he's not into me. I don't really have reaso to believe he's into someone else, but definitely not me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 6:57pm
So where does he go when he goes out with his friends? Are they hanging out in bars? If so I'd be wondering if he's meeting other women. It is unusual that a 23 yr. old guy would not be interested in sex cause that's the age when they think about and want sex a lot, which makes me wonder if he is cheating. I mean he has such an interest in going out with his friends but has no interest in going out with you. Something is wrong here. His disinterest in you is just not right. Could be he is just feeling he has too much responsibility at 23 and is trying to escape it by going out with his friends and to the gym. It sounds like he is probably having regrets that he settled down and had a family before he was ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 9:26pm

Welcome to the board, Brittany ~

To answer your question - no you're not expecting too much, not thinking the honeymoon stage will last forever.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 9:14am
I've though about that too - maybe he's just overwhelmed. I do 90% of the baby duties, but I enjoy spending that time with my son so I really don't think twice about it. Sometimes is frustrating when I have the baby in my arms and I'm trying to make dinner while he's downstairs playing video games, but I figure it out. He does watch our son when I go to the gym and everything, so I don't mean to sound like he's a bad or negletful father. That's not even what I'm worried about - I can handle the baby on my own, I can't fix my marriage on my own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 9:17am
Thank you so much for you help. I think that talking to him is really what I need to try. I've felt like this for a while and I've tried talking to him but he gets really defensive, like you suggested above. Maybe I went about it the wrong way though - I'll have to watch my tone and be careful. Everyone seems to think he may cheating, and it's hard to explain but I don't get that vibe from him at all. He's snuck around in the past and this is nothing like that. He's not overly-defensive or protective of his phone, facebook, or anything like that, but something isn't right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:19am

I too would say that he is probably having an affair. Its likely in the initial stages and also do realize that he might be being very careful and not leaving any traces behind. If it was that easy to find out if our spouse was having an affair, it wont remain one .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:23am
He may not be cheating but he is acting like he has checked out of the marriage and that is what you need to figure out. Is it just that at 23 he is having regrets that he is tied down to a family? Also I would imagine most of his friends he has are his age, are single and still leading the free and single life which probably doesn't help how he feels ether. Talk to him in a calm tone and see if you can get some answers as to what he's thinking.

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