divorce after one month?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
divorce after one month?
3
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 10:10am
I am ready to leave my husband after being married a month. We have been together for 3 1/2 years & I feel like I hate him and regret getting married. I feel like I did it out of obligation. He has a crack addiction that is barely under control and is constantly doing inconsiderate things - staying out til whenever he wants and not calling, or just not coming home at all, spending hundreds on crack and then promising he won't do it again and then being angry that I don't have faith in him. I have put up with this nonsense since the beginning - supporting him to change. I feel like I just can't handle it anymore. I feel like a mother. I just want normalcy & stability but wonder every day if he'll even come home. He does something to hurt me about every 10 days. I feel suicidal when he doesn't come home out of desperation.

The other day he was angry with me and punched my leg while I sat on the sofa! We constantly fight. He was like "I didn't come home until 12:30 last night but at least I didn't do anything bad!" This after he said he was coming home from his friends at around 8pm. This always happens. We can't even agree on where to buy a house or live. I just want to be close to my family. I feel like he constantly is doing something to hurt me. He says he can't believe I'd give up so quick. I can't believe he can do these things to me and then say "you don't give me any credit" What do I do? I feel awful about getting married and then being like "i can't do it" after so little time of the actual marriage. But I feel so miserable. Am I horrible? Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 10:22am
No you are not horrible - you are married to a drug addict - THAT is horrible. It sounds like you have made a mistake getting married to somebody with so many problems. Feeling suicidal over the actions of another person is no way to live. Get out now.

If your husband *really* cleans up his act, perhaps there could be a chance of reconciliation somewhere down the road, but right now you need to look after number one and living with somebody as unreliable and unpredictable as what you have described will only lead to heartache and misery.

Get out - you will look back and thank god you did.

I wish you all the best.

Peace & Love, Pebbles xox

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 2:10pm
You should not have married an addict, period. But you already know that. There is no reason to persevere in a mistake. No, you are not horrible. I am tempted to say that he is horrible, but I guess that, being an addict, he controls his actions to a limited degree. You gave him credit enough, but he didn't deserve it. Get out of there, please, and don't feel guilty. He is messing up his life, but you don't have to allow him to mess up yours.

We women are like this: we believe that we can heal someone and make him happy , and if we don't succeed, then we blame ourselves and think of us as losers. You have no responsibility for your husband's screwups. Please do not allow him to hurt you any more than he has already done.

He can't believe you are giving up so quick? Honey, *I* can't believe he is giving you this s**t! You are not "giving up": you are claiming back your life and your life to seek happiness with someone who is an adult. Staying with him would be giving up. Please, love yourself. You deserve it.

Good luck!!

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 2:55pm
Thank you for your supportive kind words. No one really knows how bad this relationship has gotten because as an addict's partner you lie and cover up so much. Thank you for listening.