Do you stay after he cheats?
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Do you stay after he cheats?
| Sat, 09-16-2006 - 4:07pm |
My husband of 16 years recently told me he had a short affair with a coworker. We have had 12 years of a wonderful relationship he was my best friend. I was 16 when I met him and only been with him. I love him but the last 4 years have been hard. We have a son who is 3 and is the joy of our lives. In the last year I have had to deal with his drug problems which is fixed now. ( I will not be with someone who is a drug addict) He lost his job recently and I am the only one working. His dad died suddenly this year and he told me about this affair that was over before it even started. Needless to say its been a tough year!
I am heart broken I still love him but don't know if I can get pass this. He refuses to go to conseling due to the fact things are getting better and feeling like they did the first 10 years we were married. I don't know what to do?
Do you stay after someone cheats?
I am heart broken I still love him but don't know if I can get pass this. He refuses to go to conseling due to the fact things are getting better and feeling like they did the first 10 years we were married. I don't know what to do?
Do you stay after someone cheats?

Well, for me the fact that he won't go to counseling would be a dealbreaker. He cheated!!! He's lucky you're even CONSIDERING giving him another chance! Given that fact, he needs to do whatever YOU need for him to do in order to get past it and if that includes counseling, well, then off to counseling he should be going.
I would recommend posting on the Betrayed Spouse board as well--you'll get responses from people who've been through it. It sure seems to me, reading posts there, that counseling is necessary if you're going to put your marriage back together.
Sheri
Betrayed Spouses Support
I'm wondering, how did he resolve his drug issue? Did he get into a program, N/A or something along those lines?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
Edited 9/18/2006 1:50 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
My happiness has been so dependant on him for so many years. I think we have been together for so long we don't know how to live apart. Or maybe it's just me who can't stand alone.
I don't know how long he's been clean from drugs, but either he was a recreational user only, or he'll likely relapse. An addict isn't usually very successful "white knuckling it", the term used for those who get by without the source of addiction by sheer will rather than by learning and working a program. Those who succeed by white knuckling it aren't happy people, it's hard to be happy when you're constantly forcing yourself to do something difficult. Please be sure to bring up the drug use to your therapist, it's important that s/he know the issue exists; s/he may see signs of addiction that you don't recognize and would be able to address them knowing the possibility exists.
Best of luck, Nulf4me, I know this is a difficult time for you, but you'll get through it and things will be better one way or another. Your name tells me you're ready for change : )And if he won't go to counseling with you, go without him, it'll still benefit you tremendously.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
Edited 9/19/2006 4:05 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"