Does he even care about me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2013
Does he even care about me?
13
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 2:38am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, but we seem to be arguing a lot lately. He gets mad about little things and what makes me feel worse is that it's when I try to do nice things. He recently joined the army and I want to be supportive by asking him about it and trying to get involved. That actually seems to make things worse. He has had important events that I didn't know about until later. He didn't tell me when he is going to be sent for training until I heard him say it to someone else that asked him about it. So when I asked why he doesn't tell me these things all he said was that he doesn't have to tell me everything he does, but yet he tells eveyone else about it. I decided not to ask any questions about his army things anymore.

Also, about a week ago we had another argument. He says that all I want to do is hold hands, but the only time we do is when we are out walking. Before he told me that I started to notice that he would hold my hand loose and barely holding it. So now we don't really hold hands. He doesn't show much affection, I guess you could say he is a cold person. I try to be nice and caring, but seems to makes matters worse and makes me feel unwanted. He has never said anything about hand holding before.

I sometimes hope that once he is doing his training he will miss me and show some affection. Since he also has told me that he wants space. Am I hoping for too much? What do you guys think? I have asked him if he seriously does love me and he said yes, but it's hard to believe him when he acts like this.

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Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 3:42pm

LuluBell137 wrote:
<p>We do not live together and I am 22 and he is 21. We are both from the same year but I am from January and he is from November. Anyways, we have decided to stay together and stay in communication when he gets the chance.</p><p>I've recently talked to him and asked questions. I asked what did he care about and its was pretty much his new career in the army. I also asked where am I in all of this and he said he doesn't  know. After that I asked why didn't he know and he said because he doesn't know the future. So, is that suppose to be a good thing? But aren't you suppose to be sure about your partner? I know what I want with him, but I guess he just goes with the flow?</p>

A partner? Probably so.  A convenience? Probably not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 1:25am

"he said because he doesn't know the future. So, is that suppose to be a good thing? But aren't you suppose to be sure about your partner?"

The good news is that he is being honest with you. The bad news is that it seems that he doesn't feel certain that you are "the one" that he wants to commit to so he's not making promises that you two will be together for the long term. This gives him the freedom to break it off with you if he meets somebody else, and not feel guilty. Or he could eventually decide that you are the one. But IMO its good that he is being honest about it. He could easily tell you what he thinks you want to hear just to keep you happy, with no intention of following through.

You said that you know what you want with him, is it a commitment? From what you've told us so far he is not ready for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2013
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 2:10pm
I've stopped asking him about us. I thought it would be for the best because that way we don't get mad. I'll just wait for him to bring it up. Right now he is only thinking of himself.

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