Does he even care about me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2013
Does he even care about me?
13
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 2:38am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, but we seem to be arguing a lot lately. He gets mad about little things and what makes me feel worse is that it's when I try to do nice things. He recently joined the army and I want to be supportive by asking him about it and trying to get involved. That actually seems to make things worse. He has had important events that I didn't know about until later. He didn't tell me when he is going to be sent for training until I heard him say it to someone else that asked him about it. So when I asked why he doesn't tell me these things all he said was that he doesn't have to tell me everything he does, but yet he tells eveyone else about it. I decided not to ask any questions about his army things anymore.

Also, about a week ago we had another argument. He says that all I want to do is hold hands, but the only time we do is when we are out walking. Before he told me that I started to notice that he would hold my hand loose and barely holding it. So now we don't really hold hands. He doesn't show much affection, I guess you could say he is a cold person. I try to be nice and caring, but seems to makes matters worse and makes me feel unwanted. He has never said anything about hand holding before.

I sometimes hope that once he is doing his training he will miss me and show some affection. Since he also has told me that he wants space. Am I hoping for too much? What do you guys think? I have asked him if he seriously does love me and he said yes, but it's hard to believe him when he acts like this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 11:09am

Look at the facts:  you've been arguing a lot, he doesn't even want to hold your hand, he asked for space, he didn't tell you about things that are very important--these are signs that he doesn't really want to be with you anymore.  I think you should tell him that he can have all the space he needs, like forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 9:49am

I agree with Safire.  It sounds like the relationship has run its course and he's just not interested anymore, especially since he told you that he "wants space."  That's a huge indication that he's already checked out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 03-20-2013 - 9:00am

I'm sorry that you've invested 3 years in this guy, and he's treating you like this. Some guys are cowards about breaking up with a woman, so he starts treating her poorly so she'll break up with him. Maybe this is the case here. Especially since he said he wants space. If he really thought of you as his lifetime partner, he would've wanted to tell you the important news of his starting date. I think this relationship has run its course. Do yourself a favor and let it end.

Choosing a lifetime partner is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. I'm sure you don't want to spend your life with a cold, unaffectionate man who doesn't include you in important news. And expecting him to change and miss you when you are apart is a pipe dream. If you're not happy with a man in the present, you have to accept that that's how life will always be, as change is not guaranteed, and unlikely with an immature and uncaring man such as him.

You are in the driver's seat. Do not cling to man just because you love him. Have standards. A man must treat you the way you should be treated, or he will not be a part of your life. It's your job to cut a man loose when you see he's not lifetime partner material. This leaves you free to move on and keep moving on until you find a man worth hanging onto. Always remember that you are the treasure, and a man has to make a daily effort to stay in your life. That is the path to happiness for you. 

Break up with him. Mourn the relationship. Stop contact for closure. It'll be quite hard, but the best thing for you, which you'll see later on when you meet a man who makes you feel like a priority and special every day. Good luck.

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