Does he REALLY "want" me?
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Does he REALLY "want" me?
| Mon, 08-21-2006 - 1:21pm |
After a 15 year friendship, I have recently feel in love with my high school admirer. I am a single Mom of 3 and he has been in my life for all the good and bad, although I've moved from city to city over the years.
Now that we are together, I find myself wondering how could l have avoided this man for so many years. But alas, here is my problem! We have pratically been living together for the past 3 months and he will not have intercourse with me. Although we do "other things".
I've brought it up several times and there is always a different excuse. "I want us to take our time", "I don't want to get you pregnant right away", "I want to be careful with the kids in the next room".
I want this man sooo bad. What can I do??? Please help!

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Thanks in advance for your answers, they'll help a lot in giving you an answer that makes sense to your situation.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi,
We have been romantically involved for about 3 months and Yes, we sleep in the same bed almost every night. I'm just really confused because his kisses are so passionate, and as I said, we do "other sexual things" (every now and then), just no intercourse.
Any advice would help!
Thank you.
Is it possibly an issue with erectile dysfunction?
McCampbell, you're both beyond your teens or early 20's, right? I'm guessing that since you've had a 14-year long friendship, but I know that's not necessarily the case.
Do you have any suspicions as to the real reason he avoids sex? Any other personal/sexual-type activity that seems odd?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi again. I'm so glad to get some feedback on this! We are both 34. My suspiscion leads me to think it may be a size issue. He doesn't have any kids, but I remember once that he told me he may have gotten someone pregnant, but it turned out not to be true.
I think it may be size because he doesn't allow me near "him". Everytime I try, he pushes my hand away, but he does "pleasure me", not often, but he does. So, if I'm correct, and it's size, I'm not sure when he will open up, but I just want to relay to him that it doesn't matter and I just want him to know that I truly accept him for how he is, because he accepts me...flaws and all.
It just don't know get the message across. I never thought I'd being saying this...but I hope that size IS the problem...and not something more unthinkable.
At some point he's going to have to open up and be honest about why he won't even let you touch him, because you're not going to be able to sustain a relationship without physical intimacy.
Again, I agree with Kim. Whatever the problem is, and clearly, there is a problem, it needs to be resolved. Stalling won't make it better or easier. Have you done what Kim asked and discussed the issue outside the bedroom? If so, I assume it hasn't gone well, yes? Let us know, okay?
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I agree also CL, Kim gave some great advice. We haven't discussed the issue outside of the bedroom, but I will do that.
I only mentioned the pregnancy scare because to me, it means there is no erectile dysfunction issue.
So ladies...if it IS a size thing. Any advice? I've never dealt with this before.
As far as advice if the issue is size, I don't think that's something that can be discussed until you've had sex and know if the small size is a problem for you.
Talking's first. I suspect he'll try to avoid being open and honest, and I'm sure it will be a difficult thing to discuss for both of you. I suggest being gentle but adamant about getting answers. If it's anything other than size, (ED, for instance) it's important to discuss what he's done about it and what he's willing to do about it. For instance, in ED, the first thing he needs to do is see a doctor and likely a urologist from there; ED is a symptom in many medical problems and those need to be examined. There are many different things that can cause ED and many different treatments for them, but if he's not willing to see a doctor, then you know your sex life will be pretty non-existent, which means you'll have to consider if you want to continue in this kind of relationship (I wouldn't be willing to do that). Let us know how it goes and what you find out.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Just be aware that the fact he's showing you he's not being open and honest means just that, he's not being open and honest - and that says something about his personality and character, and it enters into and compromises every aspect of your relationship. This raises a red flag that you need to stay aware of.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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