Does he REALLY "want" me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Does he REALLY "want" me?
16
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 1:21pm

After a 15 year friendship, I have recently feel in love with my high school admirer. I am a single Mom of 3 and he has been in my life for all the good and bad, although I've moved from city to city over the years.

Now that we are together, I find myself wondering how could l have avoided this man for so many years. But alas, here is my problem! We have pratically been living together for the past 3 months and he will not have intercourse with me. Although we do "other things".

I've brought it up several times and there is always a different excuse. "I want us to take our time", "I don't want to get you pregnant right away", "I want to be careful with the kids in the next room".

I want this man sooo bad. What can I do??? Please help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:48pm
I disagree, cl. I don't think him keeping this from her is a red flag. They've only been together for three months, maybe he's just not decided whether this relationship is one that he wants to commit to yet, or at least he hasn't decided he's enough involved to warrant telling her whatever his problem/secret is. Nothing says he has to tell every person he dates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 11:48pm
I absolutely agree that it's not necessary to disclose personal aspects of yourself to someone until you're sure the relationship is one you want to continue, unless the issue is one that needs to be discussed prior (like an STD before sexual contact), but this guy has lived with this woman for three months and is sleeping in the same bed with her. Moving in pretty much says you feel the relationship is one that's going to continue; if he's not sure that he wants to continue he should be living there and shouldn't be sleeping in her bed.


BTW - nice to see you back, Marcy, it's been a while!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 11:12pm
Mccambpell, did you have your talk? How did it go? What did you find out?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 4:52pm
Talk, talk,talk. There is something here that is not right.
Like a diamond with the 4C's ( cut,colour,clarity and caret weight), I live that my relationship MUST have the MY 4C's-communication,compatiablity,compromise and commitment.
High school sweethearts..you have seen alot together.My first three suggestions work great for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 1:07pm

I would like to give you all an update. I see it's been about 3 mos. since I came here for help. Wow!!!

Well, my bf and I are doing very well. I must confess however, that I never had 'the talk' with him. I chickened out because I didn't want to embarass or humiliate him. So I opted for patience, in my mind, giving him a few more weeks to open up to me. And...he did, we didn't talk about it, but more and more he started letting me touch him and after speaking with my friend, I decided to by a vibrator(I've never had one before)! So, one day we were at lunch and I just said to him out of the blue...'so, I brought a vibrator today". He smiled and said...'oh really'.

Well, since then, it's been 'on' (-:! It's been a learning experience for the both of us. (It seems even though we are both 34, we have seriously been sexually sheltered) I can be free and open with him and he is becoming the same with me. I do believe however, that his hesitation in the beginning was because he is not able to get a full erection and he probably was afraid of how I would react about it. But we have come a long way in a few months and eventually I will bring up the issue of the erection, but I'm not sure. I'm learning that intercourse is not everything in a relationship. He keeps me satisfied with his loving and kind behavior, his giving and gracious demeanor and actions and his unselfishness. Think this one is a keeper!

Sorry so long...once I get to typing, its hard to stop. Anyway I hope you all have pleasant holidays!!!!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 11:59pm
Thanks for the update!


When you do talk to him it's important that you find out if he's seen a doctor about his erection problem. If he has seen a doctor what the doctor said, if not, it's important that he be willing to deal with the problem with a doctor. If he's not dealt with it, it's appropriate for him to start with his regular physician, who will likely refer him to a urologist if the exam turns up nothing. Erection problems are an indicator of many different issues, including diabetes, avoiding seeing a doctor is dangerous and may be holding up treatment on a much needed problem. Even if it is "just" an erection problem, it needs to be addressed, and if he's unwilling to face his problem with a doctor there is zero chance of improvement and every likelihood that it will get worse. If he won't deal with this issue, that affects you very much, what else won't he deal with? It's important to be with a man who's strong enough to face his issues and deal with them.

Let us know how it goes, okay?







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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