Does this take some getting use to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2009
Does this take some getting use to?
8
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 9:00pm

Hi

 

I am in a new relationship after getting out of a bad one 3 years ago. This new guy is 12 yrs my senior. I am a 30 yr old female with 3 daughters. Everything about this person is great but little tid bits are sooooo irritatiing.  We have been seeing each other since March and there is so much that I have to get used to as far as compliments,affection. I did not really get this in my last relationship. Since we have gotten together all of our  time has been spent together and it has been great but to make a long story short he has some insecurity issues. Every week he is MAD about something. I will just use last week as an example. I work at night and we text while I am at work and he texted me and I took a little longer than usual to respond and his response was that I could have told him in advance that I was caught up at work and that would explain the delay in the texting. So the next morning he goes on a rant and asks me do I remember him telling me that his friend's stepdaughter works at my job and he was informed that I was not at work when I said I was. WTF! So he rants for a little and then he just hangs up on me. This was Monday. I have not talked to him since then. I have not called texted emaled to reach out to him and don't think that I should. I have nothing to hide. I am not seeing anyone else and I am a adult and do not have to feel like I have to explain myself to him. This is not the first time something like this has happened. I am trying to keep an open mind and a few friends said I need to nip this in the bud right now. And to top it off we do not have sex like that. (I have posted this issue in the sex message board) Any suggestions? Walk away? I don't want to run away from a relationship everytime it gets bad or he has a whiney moment!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 10:32pm

Yes, walk away--he is insecure & has signs of being controlling.  If he knows you are at work, then you shouldn't have to explain why it mike take a while to text back.  Plus is he having the stepD check up on you?  And he doesn't believe you?  That would scare me.  I have no idea what you are saying about sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2009
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 10:46pm
We do not have sex often. That is what I mean.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 1:17am

Minimal sex in a new relationship is definitely a red flag. As you know, usually couples can't keep their hands off each other their first months of being together. He meanwhile isn't so old, so his age isn't a factor in this. I was 43 when I met my wife and we had lots of sex our first months together.

The sex problem can only get worse with time. With him having some anger and control issues as well, it's clear you should move on. Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:34pm
A good relationship does not require "getting used to". In a good relationship you are compatible and it is easy. The early days of any relationship should be easy and the fact that you're seeing this kind of behavior is an enormous red flag for you to get out. This is not running away every time it gets bad, this is expecting to be treated with respect, trust and not be insulted. Why in the world would you want to "try" with someone who treats you like this? Why in the world would you want to stay in a relationship where there are weekly problems in what should be the carefree, easy " honeymoon" stage? Getting out would demonstrate appropriate self care and self respect, as well as provide a positive, appropriate example for your daughters.

What kind of problems were there in your previous bad relationship?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2009
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 2:05am
Cheating,no respect etc.