The dog is causing relationship problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
The dog is causing relationship problems
18
Sat, 11-26-2011 - 10:07am

First off, thanks for reading. I don't have anyone to discuss this with so I appreciate all input. Here is the situation:

Back in May I found a 1 week old puppy crying and cold in near a store parking lot. After not being able to find its mother I took it home with the intentions of bringing it to the vet, get it healthy and find it a home (because we had previously discussed we didn't want a dog). After a few days my husband said "he is so cute, maybe we should keep him". I thought why not? It's furry, cute, we have 2 acres.... sure. I've never had a puppy (he has) and I sure didn't know what I was in for. The dog is now 8 months old, we've had to move due to my job into a city and apartment. I cannot stand this dog. I work all day (my husband is a stay at home dad with our 3yr old and dog) and I dread coming home because I'll have to deal with this dog. It jumps, chews my things, knocks our daughter over, gets on the furniture and bed (which was my 1 condition for having a dog, that it does not go onto the furniture) and steals food out of your hands and off the counter. That's just a short list. I tried to train him properly and remind my husband of what he should be doing as well but as he says "he's just so cute". This dog thinks he is on the same level as the humans in the home, and in my eyes that is not how it should be. I actually get tight in the chest and pain when I have to deal with this animal. Everynight for the last 3 weeks he has ended up sleeping on the couch with the dog because "the dog was whining and wanted to cuddle, so I went out there so he wouldn't wake you". Are you kidding me?! He refuses to make the dog sleep in his room, yes room, not even a crate. The dog has his own room with a futon to sleep on. My major gripe is not just the behavior but this - I work long hours and when I come home I just want to relax, I like taking spur-of-the-moment trips, I don't like our daughter being chewed on and knocked down, I don't like spending the money I work hard for on a dog I can't stand! All this has caused a lot of distance in our relationship and him constantly with the dog to try and not let it irritate anyone. He under no circumstances wants to get rid of the dog and keeps assuring me that by the time he is 2 or 3 he'll be a great a dog. I don't want to wait that long,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 11-26-2011 - 11:50am

You have 2 choices.

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sat, 11-26-2011 - 1:30pm
It sounds like the problem is your husband, not the dog. Sounds like he doesn't practise the training techniques you learned at the petstore classes and in training books. Dogs are like children, they need boundaries and structure in their lives and if you're husband is not willing to set those boundaries and structures, the dog's behavior will never improve, not even with time! He's delusional if he thinks the dog will significantly mellow in the next year or two. The dog will continue to practise it's learned behavior and a high energy dog will continue to have a high energy level until old age.

Either get it through to your husband that he MUST enforce the training you've learned or the dog goes. Your husband is not a responsible dog owner and therefore, if he can't become one, the dog needs to find a new home with responsible owners.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sat, 11-26-2011 - 6:29pm

As a dog owner and dog lover, it saddens me to think that someone dislikes a dog so much. Bless you for saving him. He really should have gone to a rescue group that happened to have a mama/litter so that he can get that crucial litter time experience. Many dogs learn very basic social cues while they are with their litter mates.

However, it sounds like your husband is making this problem worse. With as much he is home and for as long as you've had this dog, he could have had an excellently trained, well behaved dog - if he just had a clue! Just going to PetsMart classes is not enough. Training is a daily chore. Consistency is a daily thing. However, if he believes that a dog will just settle in without any guidance or leadership, and you have to wait 2 more years is far fetched.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 2:48am

Welcome to the board, Sugirl00 ~

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2011
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 9:08am

Thank you all for your great input.

We've had MANY discussions about finding the dog another home, and he said he would agree to it if I make him, but he would resent me for it. As for the training, I totally agree that HE needs training just as much as the dog. I am the only one in the house the dog listens to, but I don't want to spend my time making sure he is behaving every minute, I'd rather spend it with my daughter. I just feel so defeated when it comes to this situation. He loves the dog and our daughter does too, I'm the odd one out. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Just not in an apartment, eating my shoes, barfing on our carpet, and ruining our furniture.

Maybe I should give it one last chance.... say - We'll hire the dog trainer to help you and the dog learn how to properly do things and if it doesn't work within a certain amount of time we'll find him a suitable home. Does that seem resonable?

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 1:27pm
"We've had MANY discussions about finding the dog another home, and he said he would agree to it if I make him, but he would resent me for it."

Well, he needs to understand that if the dog's behavior doesn't improve (which will only happen by him enforcing the training), you are going to resent HIM.

"Maybe I should give it one last chance.... say - We'll hire the dog trainer to help you and the dog learn how to properly do things and if it doesn't work within a certain amount of time we'll find him a suitable home. Does that seem resonable?"

It doesn't matter how much you spend on additional training, if your husband won't enforce the training, it won't help. He has already learned how to train the dog, he just won't do it because the dog is "just so cute". Like I said, the problem is your husband, not the dog. I just hope he doesn't take the same approach to raising your children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2011
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 3:49pm
SUGirl00 wrote:

Maybe I should give it one last chance.... say - We'll hire the dog trainer to help you and the dog learn how to properly do things and if it doesn't work within a certain amount of time we'll find him a suitable home. Does that seem resonable?


This seems very reasonable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 5:49am

I'm also going to endorse the more expensive option of a dog trainer.

I'm not from the US, but I'm guessing that the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 8:30am

Hi sugirl00,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 1:20pm

"Maybe I should give it one last chance.... say - We'll hire the dog trainer to help you and the dog learn how to properly do things and if it doesn't work within a certain amount of time we'll find him a suitable home. Does that seem reasonable?"

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