Don't know where to start. I'm EVIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2002
Don't know where to start. I'm EVIL
22
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 9:47am

Deleted.




Edited 10/31/2006 9:08 am ET by velvetminxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 12:43am
I know. I miss Doubleblade too.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2002
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 9:29pm

It comes and goes. Today was alright too. I was REALLY upset this morning because that new mean guy I was telling you about did ANOTHER thing to mess with me again. But this tiem instead of yelling at mu fiance, I took it to another boss. It's not worth getting into the details because it's a) boring for you to read and b) I'd get all mad about and be in a bad mood again.

Well now I'm already talking . . . This new guy! He is SO threatened that I'm going to take his job that he sabotages me in little ways (thwarting my internet sales leads then claiming it wasn't him- but when I called the support line to find out who messed with my account? YUP it was him. Just one example).

So I get all mad about it and explain (yell) at my fiance to fix it. But the problem is that New Mean Guy and my fiance are basically on the same level and I'm a notch below. So my fiance can't very well exert authority over an equal. I guess. That's my fiance's line of defense. Look, I just want to sell cars, make money and go home. I'm sick of policing thsi new guy and feelign helpless when he tries to make me look bad.

So to answer your question, it's not constantly that I actually yell. I never call my boss/fiance him names or anything too horrible. But I still hate getting upset- expecially at such a sweet person who doesn't deserve to be stressed.

Thanks for listening. I made two deals today!!! Take that, New Mean Guy!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 2:38am
It seems to me that when an employee is having problems with another employee, they go to their supervisor, and that supervisor discusses the problem with the other employee's supervisor. In my work, the four of us would immediately have a closed door meeting -- me, the other employee and each of our supervisors.


Whether you've had a good day or not, Velvet, this problem is bigger than a "mean guy at work". Yesterday you vented mostly about dealing with the public, today it's mostly the new employee. It seems like whatever the issue, you're reacting inappropriately in how you deal with it. If you handled yourself that way in a job where your fiance was not your boss, you'd be fired -- and that should be enough to tell you this is a problem you need to address. Quite honestly, the fact that you are so adamant about it one day and happily blow it off the next is pretty concerning. It seems like there may be some fairly significant mood issues going on with you. What do you think? How long has this been going on? Do you have lows too?


Regarding your behavior, have you talked to your fiance about how you deal with him at work? I don't mean "I'm sorry how I acted today", I mean, "We need to talk about what's happening with me at work". How does your fiance feel about your behavior? Is he concerned? Angry? Upset?

I think seeing someone to take a look at this is an appropriate thing to do. I'm concerned.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2002
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 8:13pm

Geez, it's not that bad. It just felt bad and permanant that day I posted that. And our dept is weird- my fiance is the boss of our area of the dealership, but there's this new mean guy who is supposedly the "internet manager". When I took my problem to my fiance, that seemed the route to go (seeing as how this guy is affecting our sales). But when Mean Guy introduced a new problem yesterday, I took it to HIS boss (as you suggest) who then deferred things back to MY boss (my fiance) who stuck up for me and the Mean Guy got in some trouble. (Rightly so, the problems are legit.)

The day of the original post, I felt angry about everything (customers, co-workers, the world at large) because of this new guy bringing me down overall. I just felt like I couldn't take it anymore.

But things are better. You have no reason to be concerned. My fiance and I talked a bit last night and realized Mean Guy is only the half of it. Deep down I have some resentment because our relationship is not in the open. Not that I want to scream it from the treetops, but what is getting married anyway? You're presenting yourselves as a couple in the eyes of God, before your families, to the government. I feel like at work I have to keep up appearances that I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't lie, I just avoid personal conversations with my co-workers. Even to my customers- they see no ring, they see no pictures on my desk, they ask personal questions and this is sales - I WANT to appear open and up front- I WANT to share my life. I don't want to be the weird, cold, secretive girl. But I have to put on this facade that I'm "single" and I guess paint the picture that I'm still the girl I was when I started this job a year ago.

But I've out grown that person I was. I'm about to be a married woman, I'm about to own a home (closing Tuesday! YAY!!). I'm concerned with saving money and being a good partner. Nothing at all that meshes with what my co-workers' lives are about (partying, hooking up etc.) but they don't know about the change in me. I just want to be free! I want my customers to trust me- I want to be telling them the truth about myself when they make small talk abotu their homes and their weddings.

Again- this way too long and my fiance wonders what I'm in here typing about. Poor baby. I have to go wash my hair now- we're going for sushi in a hour.

Thanks again for listening to me. I really appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 9:19pm
If this anger is something that's come up since your secret engagement, you plan to become open about it and as a result your anger goes away, then I think you can categorize it as situational; and since it will go away. But if it doesn't disappear, then it's something that would be wise to take a look at. If it goes away you can file it away as a recognized reaction to situations you aren't happy in and use it as a flag in the future - if it reappears you'll be able to recognize what it means and re-evaluate the situation that's causing it.


I wouldn't have suggested going to a co-worker's supervisor, at least not without informing your supervisor of that intention, that would have been blindsiding your supervisor. But, if your finance and the other guy's supervisor are equals, it shows poor leadership (among other things) to pass it off to your fiance to handle.


I'm glad you're feeling better.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 1:21pm
Ok, first and foremost, you need to find a new job. My ex-boyfriend and I worked together for 2 of the 4 years of our relationship. I was his superior and I'll tell you, it just didn't work. Relationships are stressful enough without adding the conflicts and drama of the workplace to them. Secondly, I am pretty sure that the people you work with ALL know you guys are together but, because you act like you're not it makes the relationship like illegitimate in their eyes. I mean it's like having to sneak around with a married man and you are having some kind of illicit affair, even though that is not the case. And there is probably some resentment too, the way you have behaved toward him in combination with the fact that they all probably think you guys are just sleeping together is more likely than not affecting the amount of respect you receive from your coworkers. Take Mr.Mean New Guy, for example, he's probably been filled in on the scenario between you and your boss/fiance and this has affected his attitude towards you. If people don't think you respect yourself, they won't respect you either. The job is secondary to the relationship. Jobs come and go, marriages are supposed to be forever. I think you kind of hit the nail on the head in one of your previous posts, I think subconsciously we give the most grief to the ones who love us the most because we know they'll put up with it. Also, sometimes I think you do it as a test to see if that person is going to stick with you through good times and in bad. Either way that kind of behavior has to stop, it is abusive and wrong. I wish you the best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 2:57pm

You sound very immature about your job situation. You might not realize this, but everyone else is dealing with tons of crud on the job (no matter where they work. However, most people will find a way to deal with things without having high drama in the office.

Having a job is stressful. You might want to find a book on business etiquette. You will never be a princess to any boss that you will ever have. You must remain professional at all times.

About your fiance, God bless him. You sound like a whole ton of high maintenance. Eventually, you will bring your anger and aggression home to him. If you expect someone to live with you, you have to play nicely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2002
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 11:43pm

Well you did nothing to make me feel better.

It all blew over anyway. I can't wait to close on our FABULOUS new home tomorrow!

Now I'd better get in there- he just poured me a drink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 6:59am
hi, what exactly did you come here looking for? Were you just venting?
Glad that you seem to think that everything's hunky dory again. Hope it stays that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 7:31am
Thanks. I'm glad I could help.