Enraged Fiance

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Enraged Fiance
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 12:31am

I didn't know where else to turn to! So I hope that talking to strangers help me out in this situation.

I have been with my fiance James

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 2:11am
Welcome to the board, countrygrl25 ~

I think you "long story shorted" too much! I don't understand how you're being gone for 6+ weeks factors in, unless the point you were trying to make was that you weren't ready to come back in two weeks and needed over 6 to be ready to go back?

Based on the timelines you've given, it appears that you became pregnant after having been with your boyfriend for a month. That doesn't give nearly enough time to know each other or to be at all sure whether the relationship is right for each of you. That could easily be a big part of the problem you're facing now.

I hope you don't mind, but I have more questions I need to ask so that I can understand your situation better. Otherwise I won't have a good enough picture of the situation to know what to offer and suggest:

* It sounds like there are a lot of problems going on here. Your boyfriend has no patience in dealing with your son (at least not with screaming); how does he handle other issues with the baby? Crying, for example?
*I'm assuming this behavior of turning arguments around to always be your fault is something that pretty much happens every time you have an argument? Can you give an example of a blow-by-blow of an argument you've had (he said, she said is what I'm looking for)?
*I get that you don't feel you've done anything wrong when he tells you to stop being a bitch, what does he say you've done? Can you give an example of that?
*How long has this behavior been going on?
*Have you talked to him about it during a time when there's not a problem; when nobody's upset about anything and everybody's happy?
*What was the huge falling out about?
* What does James think you two should do about this?
* What have the two of you tried doing to resolve your problems?

Thanks in advance for your answers. Please don't worry about length, the more/better explanation you give, the better we understand; and the better we understand, the more we're able to offer.

I'll be checking back for your answers ~

"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown

2nd border

"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 8:51am

I agree with 2nd_life. It sounds like you got pregnant extremely early into this relationship, too early to know if it is really the right one for you, and now you're finding out it very likely isn't. I understand that by getting married you want to work on your relationship and try to be a family together, but some people just cannot work together, no matter how hard they try, and the only thing they will find in a relationship - Despite the initial chemistry - Is heartache. This is especially true when one partner cannot, and will not, treat the other the way he/she deserves.

Your son is also in a precarious position, assuming his father never changes. Yelling at an infant is not indicative of a great parent. It's going to be a while before your son is capable of conversation and understanding his own actions, during his life he'll be a lot better off with one supportive and loving parent than one supportive and loving parent and one parent to cancel the other out.

I wish you had written more, I hope you can answer the CL's questions but from what you've written so far I see a lot that really concerns me. Please make sure you keep a close eye on this situation and I strongly, strongly urge you not to lock yourself into a marriage that is going to be bad for you and your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 1:56pm

"Please make sure you keep a close eye on this situation and I strongly, strongly urge you not to lock yourself into a marriage that is going to be bad for you and your son."

I have to strongly agree.

Please answer the CL's questions so we can all get a better picture.