Feeling disconnected from my boyfriend-long
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|Thu, 02-13-2014 - 9:40pm|
I'm having issues with my relationship and wondering if I could get some insight. First, I will say that I'm 40 and my boyfriend is 45 so we're not a young couple. We've been together for 2 years. I'm not sure where to start so I will just start from the issue at hand right now.
About 2 weeks ago we had an argument. I brought up to him that I was feeling a little hurt by the fact that he no longer puts much effort into making me feel special and loved. We live 45 minutes apart and we used to see eachother 3 times a week. It had turned into once a week and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. There really has been a lot of little things that have made me feel our relationship isn't important to him that trickled into this big issue. When I brought it to his attention he got really defensive and started telling me all the things he felt I have done wrong in the relationship. I really thought he was throwing things out of left field and in turn it made me defensive, and so the vicious cycle began. He quit talking to me that night and woudn't talk to me for 8 days. I sent him texts, and letters, and voicemails and he wouldn't reply. FInally, on the 8th day I texted him and told him if he didn't call me to talk by the end of the night that I had no choice but to end things, that this wasn't a relationship anymore anyway. He called, finally.
We had a really good talk. We got everything out, good, bad, and ugly, and talked about what we each needed from eachother and in the relationship. That we love eachother and want to see if we can work this out. We both agreed we felt better after talking it out and then made plans to see eachother again. I've now seen him 3 times since that talk and I honestly am having major anxiety about the state of our relationship. Everything seems forced and awkward right now. And if I'm being honest, I really thought after a near break up, that I would see a little more passion from him, like he would step it up a bit. I've yet to see any change in him or his actions to make me feel any more loved and special. It seems that this whole issue has forced us backwards rather than forward. I don't know what to do, if I should give it more time, if I should bring it up to him AGAIN, or what. I'm really trying to be upbeat and happy but it's so hard when I'm really not. I just wish he had a little more fight in him for "us". I'm feeling very insecure, anxious and confused right now.
Another thing that has me anxiety ridden... This is probably very wrong on my part and I have no excuse other than just plain anxiety and curiosity.... When he was in the shower this morning, I snooped in his phone. This is the first time in 2 years that I ever had the urge to do this. I found a text to his best friend's wife (they live in another state and I've only met them a few times. I do like them a lot though) Anyway, the texts back and forth said from him : "I was wrong, she's just "A" girl. Not THE girl. " and she asked back how he felt about that and he said back " I feel better without her than with her." I'm heartbroken over this and of course I can't ask him about it since I was snooping. He said it on the day of the big fight and now I'm left wondering if he really feels that way or if he said it in anger. UGH!
Anyone have any words of wisdom for me???