Feeling like I do too much

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Feeling like I do too much
4
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 3:05pm
I just want some other opinions. I feel like my husband is lazy or unmotivated. I don't know if I should feel this way or if maybe I am just making problems where there are none. My husband works 40hrs in his own business. Its stressful and hard work I know. I also work 40hrs and take a class here and there. I do most of the housework and clean my car and usually his and do all the grocery shoppping most of the cooking etc. I do get off work earlier so I am able to do some things but it bugs me that my husband is basically unmotivated to do much on the weekends. His typical Sat/Sun is spent laying on the couch watching TV. Now he may help me clean but only if I start it first. Now if the weather is nice we might do the beach but it just bugs me that he lays around and has no hobbies or anything. I just feel like he is unmotivated and its effecting my feelings for him in all aspects. I also help him with his job too doing books etc. I just don't know if this is normal or if I should try and do something about this. I tell him how I feel and he says he is drained from work and doesn't seem like anything is wrong. He says he is tired and just wants to rest up. If I complain then I am a nag. I just wanted others opinions on the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:30pm

The crux of the problem goes back to him and whether or not he'd like to change his ways. If he'd like to be more active, then there's a lot he could do to help himself.

For example, a thorough physical may be of use. Make sure that there's no medical reason for his tiredness.

Also look at his weight and eating style. If he's overweight and/or eats junk, this would account for his lethargy.

Depression could be another cause of his lethargy.

Perhaps he needs a new job that isn't as stressful?

However, if he is perfectly happy with his lifestyle - then it comes back to you. Can you accept him how he is or not?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 11:44pm

Welcome back Rxygrl, it's been quite a while since you've been here! I won’t be able to get to your post for a bit yet, but I wanted to provide the links to your previous posts as soon as I could so that others who might be able to get to your post before I do can get a better feel for your situation and history (on the assumption that it may apply) and as a result, be better able to offer thoughts and suggestions that fit your actual situation and can be more helpful to you.

You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they’re able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement – or lack of – in their situations. I hope you find it as enlightening as many do:


New here..
Says he "need more advice..."
"confused..."







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:21am

Just wanting to add a little more to my post...

When you ask him about how he feels re the lethargy, do it in the most unconfrontational way possible. Even if you don't agree with him, it's imperative that you listen to him and how he feels without voicing your opinion. Ask him questions to draw him out, but say nothing that will get his back up.

You see, the most important thing is to find out how he feels. And when you know how he truly feels, ONLY THEN can you make the next steps.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 12:52am

Hey Rxygrl ~ Is your husband the boyfriend you posted about in the past? I ask because he had some depression issues, which may be what you're seeing. Are his behaviors different now than they have been in the past or has he always drug his feet at doing housework? Has he had hobbies and interests in the past but has dropped them or has he never really had them?


Answers to those questions will help me understand the situation better and be better able to give you an answer and suggestions that fit the actual situation.


I'll be checking back for your reply ~







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"