Fiance had skype sex with 2 exes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Fiance had skype sex with 2 exes
14
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 9:56pm

Quick background:

Met him in Dec 09 in UK, he moved back to US in March 2010, I came to US on holiday in May 2010

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 1:12am

Welcome to the board, Bobbybedazzled ~

I wouldn't say you're being too sensitive at being more than upset about your boyfriend/fiance-now husband having internet sex with women while you were supposed to be exclusive (assumed on my part) and after you were engaged.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 1:44am

Thank you for answering.

Yes absolutely that is the case - we jumped into it far too soon.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 5:38am
That's cheating in my book and I would not stay with someone who cheated even once. As for why he cheated, I don't know - maybe he still has feelings for his ex (people who are truly over someone do not have strong feelings for them either way - love OR hate), maybe he's a sex addict or something. I just know I wouldn't stick around to find out, he's not worth it.
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 9:35am

You may never get over it. You don't have to. You have a choice to leave if you desire. Do you see how, even though you did nothing wrong, he gets angry at you and comes at you like its your problem, when you bring up the skypeing? That is typical and classic behavior or someone who knows they did wrong but does not want to admit it. Make it as uncomfortable for you as possible if and when you do bring it up, so you will never bring it up again. You do not owe him anything. If he can't admit the obvious, then what do you think will happen the next time something happens? He will deny it and/or get mad at you so you drop it? Is that how you envision the rest of your life going? Until and unless he comes clean about what happened I do not see how you can continue with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 10:59am

you wrote that your husband is somewhat abusive on the other board . This cheating that he does just adds to his abusive ways.

What I would suggest is counseling for yourself. because you have seen that couples counseling does not work. You need to raise your self esteem so as

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 11:36am

Thanks to everyone who has replied.

I have read a book which was great - can't remember who by because I had to hide it - but I know that the relationship is over for me. I am not going to continue with the counselling until I can go on my own which is impossible at the moment as I don't have a car.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 12:26pm

Hi;

Yes;

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 1:39am

Yep, emotional affairs are cheating just as much as physical affairs are.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 4:33pm
I stay because I have spent $3k applying for my visa and it will be through in less than a month which gives me freedom. If I leave now I will never be allowed back in the country as I technically have overstayed my tourist visa by 9 months (the greencard takes forever to come through but they don't take that into consideration for some reason.) Also he owes me so much money ($40k) that the only way I think it can be paid back is if I stay and pay his/my huge credit card bills with his earnings which he says is ok and I have access to the bank account so I can do it. I stay because I come from a small town with no prospects and have tried several times to make a life outside of it but for some reason it hasn't worked. I stay because here I have choices, I have opportunities I would never have in the UK. I stay because anyday now my visa will come through and I can get a decent job (I have a very good resume). We have been completely broke since i got here as his business failed and left us destitute. His mum let us move in with her and gave us money and food to survive but it has been very very hard. She has seen first hand how he behaves but she is no help as she is also a victim of an abusive partner. I stay because it doesn't happen everyday and it is not out of hand as I tell him to stop and I walk away so he can't fight. I tell him to stop shouting at me or I will not continue the conversation. I stay because it is NOWHERE near as bad as it was before and I think I can deal with it until my freedom comes through. I have plans and a possible full time job with someone I know, I am looking at places to rent and have the neighbour on the case to find me a car. I do not stay because I think I do not deserve it or am not worth more. I do not stay because I love him. I stay for practical reasons and to make the most of my new opportunity for a better life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2011
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 4:34pm
Oh sorry I forgot to say thanks for the links. I particularly like the one youarenotcrazy.com and found it very helpful.

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