Fighting in front of the kids

Avatar for beefly95
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Fighting in front of the kids
10
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 12:57pm

My husband and I are going through a really rough time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 2:01pm

Beefly, what are the issues you are fighting about? Is it possible to resolve them, or are you two resigned to fighting one another (which is destructive rather than constructive)?

When two people simply cannot stop fighting, and the fighting becomes out of control in front of your children, your marriage is crying out for therapy. If he will not agree to seek a professional, then I'm afraid there is not much I can do besides advise you to limit your interaction with your husband until you can find a better way out.

I would like to hear why you are going through a rough time in case we can help you in that area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 1:05am

Welcome to the board, Beefly95 ~

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for beefly95
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 5:45pm
We fight about money, chores, and we can't afford therapy. We are broke and that is why we fight.
Avatar for beefly95
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 5:48pm
The stop word is used when we raise our voices or start to say something hurtful in front of our son. I have brought up the lack of control but nothing happens. He always thinks he is right and I do too, but I just walk away. We didn't really have arguments before until we started having financial trouble. He is unemployed and I work full time. He stays home with our son. I don't really want to repeat the hurtful things he has said, but he likes to say I am a bad mother, I am not good at my job, etc. He hits me where it hurts. He wasn't hurtful like this until after we had our son, really until after he was 1 year old. He is 2 now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 8:23pm

If I put 2 & 2 together, sinceyou said that the arguments started because of financial troubles, he's unemployed & says that you're not good at your job, it looks like he is very upset about not working and taking it out on you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 12:31am

Thanks for your answers, Beefly.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Thu, 12-22-2011 - 11:17pm

All I can say is it is never good to fight in front of the kids, it can have a negative impact on them for years to come. I used to fight with my ex in front of our son. One day we were in each other's face screaming and yelling when I heard this little voice coming from the corner of the room crying and saying ...im sorry, im sorry. I looked and my 2 year old son was balled up in the corner in the fetal position crying and shaking.

I comforted him and told him I was sorry and vowed never to be so caught up in my own anger and forget about my child. But that was only one sided, my husband did not care. He continued to yell at and belittle me infront of our son. I did not want my son to grow up thinking that, that was normal behavior nor did I want to continue to be verbally abused. So I left my husband and never looked back.

You say that your husband was not like that prior to the financial woes, whereas you have a cause but no solution and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 12-24-2011 - 1:50am

Check into churches and community support groups. The are are free to lost cost resources. You just have to look for them. Don't give up on trying to find help. The problem with not knowing how to fight you sometimes say very angry hurtful things, that you don't forget or are able to come back from and the next thing you know your self esteem is low and you are totally beak down and on top of that the kid is caught in the middle and feeling the stress and strain.

Many catholic charaties offer free couples counseling, just keep looking and you will find help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2011
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 11:00pm

It sounds like he has no appreciation for you at all, and he must be really hurting himself to lash out at you in that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 7:46pm

I also tend to have arguments in front of my 1 year old son, and I had to stop. I don't want him doing the same when he gets to that age. For me I just walk away or if I'm on the phone and realize that I'm yelling I jus hang up the phone. Maybe you should talk to your husband again to figure out a better way to communicate without yelling and maybe another tactic. Good Luck

www.findingfreedomteam.com/ KLittle