"first" mother's day troubles, advice, help please

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
"first" mother's day troubles, advice, help please
15
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 12:49pm
My husband and I are pregnant, and I was so excited for mother's day, hoping for a special day. I know the baby isnt here yet, but we are still parents and I wanted it to be special. I am not one who wants gifts, I love cards and sweet, special messages. My husband gave me a sweet card, but wrote in it right before he gave it to me, which sort of made me sad because it was unlike him to do it last minute and tell me "dont come in, im writing in your card". His cards to me usually are very special and sweet messages, but this time it didnt seem very thought out. Then he gave me a present (which is sweet). It was a couple of baby t shirts, baby sweat pants and a hoody for me. I am very grateful for the gift, its very cute, but when I think of mothers day, I think more of the thought, something keepsake you can keep forever, mommy and baby related.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

Hoping your husband will "take a hint" is always a recipe for disaster--most men don't seem to take hints very well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I think you're being incredibly picky about absolutely nothing at all.

"Maybe its pregnancy hormones, I dont know.."

I really hope so. This is not a good battle to pick. Your husband was incredibly thoughtful even to write you a card on mother's day when you haven't even given birth yet. I know you don't want to come across poorly to us but I really think you need to change your perspective and not punish your husband.

"

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
See this is why I dont like typing things out. I dont think I conveyed exactly what I meant. I told him days before mothers day when he asked if I wanted to celebrate it, that I only wanted a sweet card. Instead he gave me a gift as well (I was not expecting or hoping for a gift), but the gift that he purchased threw me for a loop because it wasnt sentimental, it was just him wanted to spend a lot of money on me and baby, which I do not want. I am VERY grateful for what he did, and the outfits are cute, but I wish he wouldnt feel the need (he grew up in a household where every event is when you spend lots of money on someone, and they will be happy). That is not me. I would have rather him spent money on construction paper, macaroni noodles, finger paitns and a card (childish, I know), but I dont need him spending money on me. I wanted it to be about the day and appreciation of each other. I was just surprised at the fact that he purchased me a gift, but that it felt like a birthday, not mother's day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
Hello, My husband was the one who asked if we were going to celebrate mothers and fathers day this year while pregnant. I am not planning to outdo him on father's day, actually the opposite. He was more concerned about just spending money on me (thats the type of household he grew up in, while I grew up in a house where you would much rather receive a card than a gift, and thats how I am). I dont want that for mother's day. What I mean by show him what mothers day and fathers day is to be about, I mean that the gift I am purchasing is a small, baby and daddy related thing that we will keep forever, make him breakfast and show him I appreciate him for being the father to our unborn child. I would never plan to outdo him, I just want him to understand, its not the money you spend, its the thought and appreciation of the other person and the child/parent thing. When the baby is here, I would rather him not get me a thing but a card, and just spend the day with me and our child. I guess what I meant by being bummed about the baby shirts, etc, was I was surprised he spent all of that money (which I really wish he hadnt), and just made me a beautiful card, or did something related to mommy and baby. I am so excited for the days when our child is of age to make even a macaroni rainbow for me. Thats all I would ever want. I never made him feel he needed to spend money on me, actually just the opposite. I really wish he wouldnt. When I discussed this with him the other night, he was offended that I asked him not to spend all of that money on me, that it isnt what I want him to do. I dont want him to feel bad for mothers day either, not at all. I want him to understand that its the day and meaning of it that counts. I dont want it to be like a birthday thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
Thank you, I posted to the other two ladies what I meant, because I realized I dont think I conveyed what i meant properly. It wasnt that I am ungrateful, I think it was very sweet, I was just surprised he spent money on me, and bought me something, but it had nothing to do with mother's day, I would have preferred something inexpensive and keepsake if he felt the need to spend money on me, which is exactly what I asked him not to do. I have never been bummed by anything he has ever purchased me before, but because he grew up in a house where you just spend as much money as you can on that particular day, that he spent all of this money on things, and it wasnt what I meant. I am the type that saves every card, ever ticket stub, everything that he and I do together, and I am VERY sentimental. I am so excited for the days when our child comes home with a finger painting of me on construction paper or flowers made out of pop bottles...that is what I mean. I would have been happy if he went to the store and purchased me a $2.00 figurine of a pregnant woman made out of porcelin, because it meant something about me being the mother of his child. Like I told him though, I just wanted a meaningful message in the card, and felt that he rushed that. I dont need "things", I wish instead of a bunch of generalized things for $60, he would just make me a picture or a certificate for being the mother of his child. I just felt like it was a birthday, not mother's day (again, even though we are only pregnant, he wanted to celebrate it, so when he asked what I wanted, I told him something meaningful and sentimental written in a card)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I didn't misunderstand you, you just didn't like my response. I stand by it - Be specific about what you want and learn that his gifts come from his heart, just as your gift-giving habits come from yours. It makes you both different, special people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
im so sorry, I didnt mean to insinuate that you misunderstood me, I just felt that I came across wrong in what I meant, and wanted to correct that for myself. Your response was great, I just wanted to give more information as to what I meant, because I felt that I left some things out. Thank you very much for your advice, it seriously is needed, and very much appreciated, I am sorry if I came across rudely, text is not the way I like things to be discussed hah!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

I want to encourage you to read a book called 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.

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