Flirting - What is acceptable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Flirting - What is acceptable?
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 12:07pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years.

He has many friends that are girls. This is what most of our previous problems have been around. Mainly that I don’t know any of these girl friends and that he’s quite flirty. I don’t have a problem with flirting. I think it’s healthy and normal and keeps you sane, I just don’t like when it crosses certain boundaries. And I also don’t like that I don’t know any of his friends that are girls that he is flirty with.

A few months back, one of my bf’s girl friends made a comment on his facebook which lead to just a silly funny discussion of them just kidding around, one of his guy friends made a comment “I sense a lot of sexual tension here” on their discussion. I thought this was a little inappropriate but I just let it be.

A few days ago, the exact situation happened, a silly joking around discussion on facebook between the two and the same guy friend says “get a room”.

A little history:
- I once found pics of when he was gone out of town for a vacation with his friends, he was with this same girl in the pool hanging off of her drunk. I was a little upset because to me it seemed like he didn’t want me to see these pics but I just let it be. He assured me that she was just a friend with him and all of his other friends!
- I them saw that he had sent her a heart in the middle of the night while he was out partying with his friends. Again, he was like shes just a friend. When I send you a heart it means something completely different than when I send it to my other girl friends.

This is not exclusive to just one girl. Things like this have happened many time with other girls.

I know they’re just friends. I KNOW that he would never do anything and that it would not go beyond flirting and friendship. I know that. But some of the actions still bug me. I’m not sure why. I guess in my point of view, some of the flirting is beyond what is acceptable when your in a relationship.

My questions:


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 12:22pm

Um, yah. no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 6:23pm
Is it appropriate for him to be hanging on her drunk and sending her hearts in the middle of the nite? Hell no, totally inappropriate and immature behavior for someone in a committed relationship. Do you think HE would find YOU hanging on a good male friend drunk and sending the male friend hearts in the middle of the nite appropriate behavior? If he thinks this would be okay behavior, then maybe you 2 have very different BOUNDARIES, and you should find someone whos relationship boundaries match yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:02pm

I just think it's very odd that after being w/ him for 3 yrs, he has any friends you don't know personally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 3:50am

ssss, it's great that you trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 9:41am
I just wanted to see how you were doing? Did you do anything about your boyfriend's flirting (and I agree that what he's doing is totally inappropriate). Check in and let us know how things are going!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 9:15am

"I know they’re just friends. I KNOW that he would never do anything and that it would not go beyond flirting and friendship. I know that"

I'm sorry but you have to understand how many women say this when they are being duped. You don't KNOW it... you FEEL it. There's a big difference.

I think you are in denial if you really think your boyfriend is incapable of crossing a line. You are certainly in denial if you accept that this girl is just a friend. She's not.