Found something in his wallet

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Found something in his wallet
21
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 3:56pm

Hello... I have been married for 14 years. Ours is a good marriage, we've had our ups and downs, most recently we had a huge financial crisis but I went back to work and DH changed jobs and we are working our way out of it. I would say these things make us stronger, but it was tough for a while. I don't have trust issues with DH, actually he accidentally put his wallet in the wash still in his jeans pocket. We were in the car and he brought his soggy wallet; since he was driving he had me take everything out of it. I was surprised to find the personal email address of a woman who works at our gym. The reason it bothered me is because a month or so ago, I got to the gym and he was in her office (all their offices are open and on the way to the locker rooms) and I stopped in when I saw him. I gave him a hard time afterwards b/c she was obviously flirting with him b/c she was twirling her hair with her finger and what would they be talking about? He is a good looking man so I know women find him attractive. I guess what bothered me more was that he got defensive about it. While we were all three standing there talking he also starting sweating which he says is because he had been in the suana earlier. I thought it was b/c he was maybe flirting with her too..? Like I said afterwards i gave him a hard time, not in a mad way, but letting him know I knew she was flirting with him. Anyhow, I didn't really get too hung up on it, but when I saw the email address it really bothered me. Of course he said it was nothing and he didn't know why he had it. We had our fight and moved on but in the back of my mind now I am wondering. I don't think anything happened between them but thinking they were on the route possibly, even though I can't imagine it. Any thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 4:28pm

My thought (as a wife myself) right away would be him acting defensive about him talking to her and him "not knowing WHY" he had her e mail addy in his wallet" It certainly didn't just appear in there by itself, This may have been nothing YET, but I fully agree with you that this could have been the start of something IF you had not found and confronted him about it. You need to have a talk with him about BOUNDARIES in you marriage. Would it be acceptable for you to have a mans e mail addy he saw flirting with you in your wallet? Do you have access to his e mail account he'd be using to e mail her? If so can you get in there without him knowing? My H was using his WORK e mail when he was doing this so I had no access to it, until one day he accidentally left it open on our shared laptop and I found totally inappropriate e mails between them.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 4:32pm

If he had her email address, then he must have a reason why he got it from her. It sounds like he pretty much blew you off with his lame explanation of "It was nothing and I don't know why I have it". Thats BS.

So the question is why did he get her email address from her? Were they going to email about a gym issue? Were they going to communicate about some shared interest or some other innocent exchange of information? Or was it something more? Hard to say, but you may have stumbled onto the very beginings of something. You might want to keep your radar up for any suspicious or out of the norm behaviors on his part.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 11-28-2011 - 5:03pm

Welcome to the board, Hanvan2 ~

His statement about not knowing how the email address got there isn't very plausible, is it?


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 5:44am
Well, I have disagree with everyone else a little bit. Consider this: why would he ask you to take everything out of his wallet if he knew he had something it in to hide from you? He obviously forgot about the email address which means it's probably nothing, just like he said. Yeah, he got defensive about this and about being in her office. But maybe that's because you admittedly gave him a hard time over it.

Maybe he did have a little flirt with her in the office and she gave him her email address. But as far as I can see, that's as far as it went and it's nothing to dwell over. Since he obviously forgot the email address was in his wallet, it makes sense that he never used it or acted on it. You were right to ask him about it but you say yourself you don't believe anything happened between them - so I wouldn't worry about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 10:27am
Thanks ukgirl... and I appreciate all the replies I've received, as they all contain good points. We had another talk about it last night, and this time it was a talk, no arguing or defensive rebuttals. I do think they were flirting and she gave him her address but I do believe that he forgot about it, although yes, he did accept it. I did ask him what if I had a guys email in my wallet and he seemed to understand at that point (finally) how I felt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 3:00pm
But if he didn't want to e mail her he should not have accepted the paper with her e mail addy period. By accepting it he's sending her a signal that he MAY be interested. Unless she's a personal trainer or something where she needs contact with her clients I don't see a reason for her to give him her e mail addy to begin with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 3:07pm
I'm glad he gets it now, but still would have asked him why he accepted it if he had no intention of using it.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 9:41pm

...and why he kept it...and why he lied about what it was doing there....


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 2:01pm
I agree. Hopefully she'll get some satisfactory answers to these questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 5:05pm

>>but still would have asked him why he accepted it if he had no intention of using it. <<

I understand what he did.

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