Framed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-1998
Framed?
18
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 12:07pm

I returned from a seven day meditation retreat last night only to discover that my boyfriend took a pen and deliberately wrote a nasty note on our duvet cover to me since he alleges that I left a mark from a ball point pen on the cover after repeatedly telling me to be careful when using a pen in bed. I did recently, accidently leave a small pen mark (one tiny mark about an inch long) on the duvet cover and apologized and was going to try and remove it. Yes. The note and the way in which he chose to get his message across was extremely hurtful but he alleges that I again (after the first incident) marked up the duvet cover and that is what prompted him to go into this senseless rage and mark up our duvet cover that we sleep under with this nasty, hurtful note.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 12:24pm

Hi;

What do you mean framed??

Your boyfriend sounds controlling and I would most likely find my way out of this relationship..It sounds unhealthy and toxic because if your boyfriend freaks out over a pen then I cant imagine what else he has freaked out about.

Is he abusive in other ways??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 3:09pm

Yes, he made the marks.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 3:18pm

I responded to you on another board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
In reply to: brookita
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 11:55pm
He is not your father and you are not a child. The best way for him to have a house exactly as he wants it is for him to live ALONE. It's a flipping replaceable duvet cover, in the big scheme of things it means nothing. It's a stupid material possession. It's not as if it's his great great great grandmas quilt that she hand sewed by candlelight. Geez! To stay with him means you would be tip toeing around in your own home-FOREVER! Isnt one of the greatest things about leaving our parents nest is to be on our own with the only one telling us what to do is ourselves? This BF has some issues and really the only thing that could give him everything he wants exactly the way he wants it is a life size doll. Think very very seriously about staying with this guy.... You should be able to take a pen to bed.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In reply to: brookita
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 1:57am

Welcome to the board, Brookita ~

This isn't something to forgive, this is scary.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: brookita
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 3:15am

I believe he does have an anger problem, like most abusers do.

Edited to add that maybe it was a typo when you said he doesn't have an anger problem...

 

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
In reply to: brookita
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 8:22pm

No, you read right.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: brookita
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 9:19pm

2nd_life, you are dead on in your response about anger.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: brookita
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 12:46am
Saying he has an anger problem and he should be dumped asap is not the same as saying it's "the" issue and that classes should be attended.

As to the book, I'm sure many abusers are able to contain their anger towards others. Doesn't mean they don't have an anger problem mixed in there.

And I'd never personally advise a woman to have her man go to anger management classes. He needs to be dumped well before that stage.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: brookita
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 12:54am
You're quite possibly right, but I didn't read anything where the OP said he could control his anger towards others, or that he's never exploded and broke his own things.

<< If it was an anger management problem, he wouldn't be able to function in the world because he would behave in an unacceptable manner with EVERYONE, not just YOU. >>

I've known many people with anger management problems who are able to function in the world.

 

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