Friends and relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Friends and relationship
12
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 5:10am

Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. We both are around 40 and have had previous relationships that turned out badly and we both want to settle down with someone trustworthy. Pretty basic expectations, I suppose.

I don't believe in perfection, but we are very good when we are together. We live 1000 miles apart but we have managed to be together at least every other weekend, I have met his family and friends and he has met mine, so I know he wants to be with me because it would be so easy to make an excuse if he didn't.

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Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:00am

Where would you guys live if you moved in together? If he moved there or if you both moved to a new city, then the problem with his best friend would not matter so much as you would rarely see them.

I guess I don't see a problem with his inviting you to this show without asking if you if you had other plans. If you have other plans, then you simply tell him that you do, and thats the end of it. Unless of course you two already had plans and he just threw those under the bus by planning something else? I would agree that once you start living together, that neither of you should start making unilateral plans without consulting the other one first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:31am

I don't suppose that you & his best friend have really had time to get to know each other if you've only met a couple of times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:46am

I'm not sure what kind of response you wanted from his friend's wife. You Emailed her in order to thank her, not to start a penpal friendship, right? I don't know what she is supposed to say. Did you stay at their house?

"Yesterday he sent me an email inviting me to a show he is going with his friends, and he never even asked me if I had other plans for that weekend. "

So say no, if you have other plans. If you don't, then why do you care? It's an invitation. Not a demand for your presence.

Your expectations are impossible to live up to. Of course he's going to disappoint you, so is every other man on earth.

"I end up being criticized for being controlling"

You might want to think about whether this might be true. If drinking too much sometimes is a problem for you, then this isn't the right man for you, period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:52am

I don't think it's that because all this has only been in my head, I never said anything to my BF about it. I certainly didn't say anything about this to his friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:54am

I guess you have a point, time does solve some problems before you have to worry about them. We are supposed to move to a new city, but close to where he lives now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 11:10am

Although I thank you for taking the time to reply you come across as being a bit agressive.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 1:08am

Hey, I_dontknow, it's been a long time since you've been here!


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 1:17am

I think a couple of things.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 6:18pm

Hi and thank you for your posts.

I wanted to, but couldn't bring myself to read my old posts. I suppose I don't need to anyway... :-)

They do help to put things into perspective though...

We weren't exactly planning to move in together yet, we had talked about it and both agreed that we want it to happen sooner than later, but didn't set a date. The "problem" is that I got a good job offer very close to him and I have been so stressed about it that I'm not sure I can see things clearly anymore.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 10:07pm

Just because you're moving close to him doesn't mean you have to move in right away.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_

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