Frustrated housewife

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Frustrated housewife
16
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 10:13pm
Hey everybody,I find myself in a situation that I don't know if I should keep quiet or scream.My husband and I moved to a new neighborhood a couple of years ago.To make a long story short my husband is the type of man that has to be friends with everyone.So he introduced his-self to a couple that lived next door to us at the time.Well i'm not the type of person to just walk right up to someone and start a conversation.Anyway he got to know the couple before I did.Well even though he knew them a little longer than I did he seems to think it makes a big difference.Well needless to say I've decided not to be friends with this couple anymore for many of reasons.#1 I found out a conversation took place behind my back about me.Which put me in an awkward position with this couple.But my darling husband doesn't seem to think so.#2 I also found out that a comment was made about me and my husband didn't come to my defense.So with all that being said I chose to terminate the friendship.My husband is still friends with this couple he invites them to family functions etc.etc.Not caring that it puts me in an awkward position because I've chosen not to be their friend.I'm still courteous when they come around but that's as far as it goes.My question is this do i have the right to be upset with my husband about this?I feel like my feelings don't matter and he cares more about their friendship than our marriage.It really infuriates me to no end.I just want to scream or beat the hell out of something.Anyway if anyone has some kind of advice for me please let me know a.s.a.p.Thanks in advance. Sincerely,Tami

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 12:05am
You're calling this girl your step-daughter, but in the beginning you referred to her as your husband's cousin's daughter. Which is she? Tami, in no way are you wrong to be hurt that your husband puts others before you. For the record, you don't sound like a jealous person; it hurts very much to always come in second, a wife and partner should come first in most situations. It sounds like you and your husband have a long history of problems with little resolution; coming in second doesn't do anything to promote the kind of good feelings, unity or support in a marriage. I'm still completely unsure whether you have reason to be angry or upset with the neighbor, the girl or your husband on this issue; again, it's impossible to say without knowing what this girl talked to her about. More questions (sorry):


  • I get the feeling that your husband seems to enjoy hurting you by showing more allegiance to others than to you, is that accurate?
  • In this post it sounds like you simply bowed out of the friendship, are your neighbors aware that you're upset with them?
  • Did you flat out tell your husband that you don't want anything to do with them and you don't want them invited to family functions? If you have told him, what was his response?
  • How were the issues that almost caused you to divorce resolved? What changed to make your situation better?


    This is may not be pertinent to your situation, but then again, it could be:


  • You said this girl will soon be 20. How old was she when she came to live with you? Why did she come to live with you and why,at the age of nearly 20, is she still living with you?







  • ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    when you don't get what you want."

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 08-29-2006
    Wed, 09-06-2006 - 11:27am
    Hey cl-2,
    I know I must sound like a complete idiot by now I've been discussing this issue with so many different people.The truth of the matter is I never excepted my husband's cousin's daughter as one of my own children.I know I sound like a real mean person but you have to understand I was and stil are dealing with alot of personal demons.The way I treated her was not intentional I was very distraught when she came into my life.And I couldn't see past my own turmoil to realize this child really needed the love and support she never received from her own mom.I'm not proud of myself to say the least everyday I live with the guilt of how I've treated her.As far as my husband we've been through alot over these 15 years.Having to raise someone elses child just added to our already strained marriage.There's more than enough blame to go around trust me.I blame myself for alot of the reasons why we're in this mess to begin with.You asked alot of good questions.And right now I'm not quite sure I have the right answers at this time.You've given me alot to think about I don't know what the future holds for me I just hope I'll be able to to deal with whatever comes my way.A hell of alot differently than I have in the past.Thanks again for your insight. Tami
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Wed, 09-06-2006 - 11:49am

    Tami I'm really confused.








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 08-29-2006
    Wed, 09-06-2006 - 12:06pm
    Ok cl-2,
    I was referring to the comments you've already given me about the situation I'm in.I thought I explained everything in my first post but I guess I didn't do a good enough job.I'm sorry for all the confusion I've caused you.Anyway this topic is very old and I really can't explain it any better than I already have.I tried to delete my post so it wouldn't appear anymore on the board.Just know that I've dealt with the issue as best as I can.It's going to be what it is.Sorry I waisted your time. Sincerely,Tami
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 08-29-2006
    Wed, 09-06-2006 - 1:48pm
    Hey cl-2,
    I don't know if my last post got erased because I'm checking for it and I don't see it anywhere.So just in case I'll repeat myself for the umbteenth time.I was referring to the comments that you made on the last couple of post I made about my current situation.I've attempted to erase my comments from the board because I've received more than enough feedback.I'm sorry for the confusion I may have caused you.I was simply trying to let you know I appreciated everything you've already told me.As for the questions you wanted answers to.I can't explain it any better than I already have.Just know that the situation has been dealt with.And it's going to be what it is.As for my husband we've been through alot in the past 15 years.I pretty much blame myself for what's gone wrong in our marriage.And I don't know what the future is going to hold for us.I just pray that I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way better than I have in the past.Thanks again for wanting to help me sort through this thing I call "a life".Maybe we'll chat again until next time. Sincerely,Tami
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Thu, 09-07-2006 - 12:18am
    Tami, what post are you not able to find? Are you saying you've posted her before? If so, it must have been under a different name because I just did a search of Tami-73 and only came up with this one (that you started on Sept. 3). Or maybe you posted it on a different board? I'd be happy to help you look for it if you'll let me know.


    But, it sounds like you just don't really want to deal with this anymore, and if so that's fine. For the record, I don't think you're the wrong person or the bad guy, but it also sounds like maybe you don't really want to hear that you're not the one at fault here. It's your choice, Tami; I'm here and interested in understanding and helping you if you want, but I can't put more effort into it than you do.


    I'm sorry you're so sad.








    ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    when you don't get what you want."

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"

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