Gaining weight

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Gaining weight
5
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 2:09pm
Last night my husband told me that he was bothered by the weight that I have gained. He did say it very kind and sweet, but it still hurt. Now I'm a little embarrassed and uncomfortable. I have gained weight but did not realize it was an issue with him. Has anyone else been in that situation? How did you resolve it? Did you lose weight to make him happy? Or did you stay the way you are?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: punk0167
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 3:27pm

Yes, my husband has noticed weight gain on me. However, from even the early days together, being fit and healthy was important to us....so it was no surprise that he raised the subject. I wasn't hurt because it was true. I simply thanked him for his honesty.

In my situation, I lost the weight - but I was happy to do so because I didn't like those extra pounds anyway. He may have mentioned the weight, but I lost it for myself. His words were simply a spur to get me going. I should also point out that we both believe that being fit and healthy is good role modelling for our children - so this was extra motivation for me.

However, from reading your post, it appears that you're quite content with your weight. Am I right? If so, finding the motivation to loose it would not be easy. Just like any change, you've got to really want it for yourself to be able to achieve it.




Edited 11/16/2005 3:34 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
In reply to: punk0167
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 11:47pm

Yes, my bf "mentioned" that before too after I put on a few pounds, he never said it in a mean way but I didn't know if it did bother him.
To be quite honest, I was actually back to a healthier weight where before I was sort of underweight and so my response was that I was back to my normal weight and it was healthier. Now of course I was also out of shape and my weight was climbing but I was not really that uncomfortable with it myself and I really did not feel the motivation to do it for him. Even though it bothered me a little when he said that, I was comfortable in my own skin. The funny thing...when I was losing weight and was very skinny, I would look at fuller figured women and would miss my fuller figure! I really felt that having a fuller figure was very feminine and attractive.
But as far as my bf, I figured that if he loves me then he will accept me the way I am. I mean he's got a gut and yeah he could do some sit ups for it but I still love him regardless of it. He has to want it for himself, but I think honestly neither of us really care if the other does do something or doesn't. Yes health is important but we both know we accept each other's bodies as they are and of course we are only going to get older, but it is always good to take care of yourself.

If you're comfortable in your own body then let him get used to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: punk0167
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 2:58am

This is an issue we've heard before, from both women who's husband's are unhappy with their weight and we've heard from women who are unhappy with their husband's weight gain. It's not an easy issue, for sure.


To answer your question, I don't think my husband has ever mentioned weight gain. That's not to say I haven't gained weight, just that he's not said anything about it. I'm the one who's complained about being too heavy, not liking how clothes are fitting, etc. I've been over weight and I've been thin. I was over weight for a good year or more. Knew I was heavy, didn't like how I looked but wasn't motivated or ready to do anything about it and I know better than to try to lose weight when I'm not motivated to do it. All that happens is I continue to eat too much and not exercise, promising myself I'll do better tomorrow or that "just this time won't hurt". All that happens is I feel bad about myself, guilty for not doing better, depressed (which has me eating more) and ultimately getting absolutely no where -- except now not only am I over weight I feel bad about myself too. These days I just do what I want, knowing full well I have weight to take off and when I'm ready to really do something about it, I do. I don't believe I could lose weight because someone else wanted me to (and I know previously I couldn't stop smoking because a boyfriend wanted me to), I don't think anybody can, really. I stopped smoking later on my own because I wanted to, by the way.


How is your husband's weight? Does he have any bad habits (like smoking)? Another question that might be pertinent is how much weight are you talking about?







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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
In reply to: punk0167
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 11:47am

I don't think much change is going to happen unless you want it to for yourself, your husband's feelings about your weight aren't going to be enough, I don't think. I'd guess that if you were wanting to lose weight you'd already be working on it, I didn't get the feeling from your post that you were already gearing up to lose it.

For me, if I'm not ready to really commit to it for ME it doesn't happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: punk0167
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 12:07pm
Get Dr Phil's book Relationship Rescue and read it ASAP. He talks about what each spouse 'needs' in a relationship to feel attracted to their partner and covers how to define it.


Carrie