Getting Him To Communicate

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2011
Getting Him To Communicate
4
Sat, 08-06-2011 - 3:43pm

I know from reading my share of women's magazines that men are constantly labelled as unable or unwilling to share their feelings. But lately in my relationship I feel as if my boyfriend is holding back things that are making him uneasy & I know that keeping things inside can really damage trust in a relationship. My boyfriend & I have been together for a long time & recently had a talk about trying to bring more intimacy into our relationship (I wrote about this in another board). We both feel like we've become happy with sex being our only main form of intimacy & honestly we have pretty crazy sex so it's really more exciting than intimate. After our conversation we talked about things that we can do like holding hands more or kissing each other/making out more without leading it all to sex so fast. But after that talk I feel like he wanted to say more, but he didn't. We went to bed that night & talked just a little about it the next day but for the most part, he seems like he's again keeping things to himself.

I know from experience in our relationship that my BF hates it when I suddenly talk about something like this out of the blue but it's hard to find a "right time" because he works so much. His shifts are late shifts & when he comes home he's usually extremely tired & I hate saying "i want you to communicate more" to him when I'm sure all he wants to do is prop his feet up & relax.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 1:22am

Welcome to the board, Madamefirefly ~

I'm scratching my head here a bit...from what I read here and on that other he DID communicate with you, he was apparently able to point out some things that he'd noticed that were a bit critical of you.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2011
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:15am

Thanks for your response! I thought about things after I wrote that entry & I realized I need to be thankful because he IS communicating with me by telling me how he feels. I think I was just a litttle bit self-concious when I realized that maybe I wasn't doing all I should to uphold my end of the deal. After I wrote this, we talked again & he again began to talk about what was bothering him. I guess I was stuck in the past where I thought he couldn't tell me what was on his mind but I guess he feels good enough & invested enough in us that he wants everything to work & recognized that maybe he needs to speak up more or it could cause bigger problems.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 12:00am

I'm glad things are better and I'm glad you're focusing on yourself instead of him.

I don't think it's right to categorize men as not being capable.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2011
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 1:21am

Thank you