Getting so frustrated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Getting so frustrated!
2
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 5:50am

Hi Everyone,

I don't know what to do. I've been friends with my boyfriend since childhood and we've been officially dating for 8 months. The only thing is that I'm starting to think of him as being duller than a doorknob. He means well, but he has the thought process of a 6 year old. At first I thought I was being nit-picky, but even my family is asking why I'm dating him, describing him as "dumb and boring".

Sure I don't really laugh with him as much as I do around other friends. Or I don't walk away thinking, "wow, that was a really interesting conversation!" But he is the sweetest person I've ever met. And I trust him completely. And he's emotionally open (which is VERY important to me). So it's hard not to just look past the fact that he misspelled every other word and used the grammer of a 5th grader in all of his love notes. It's harder too because we have such a history.

I want to believe that this is something that can be worked out because I don't know if I can find anyone who has his heart and patience. But at the same time, I want my mind to be stimulated just as much as my heart.

I don't want to end anything suddenly but I don't even know how to talk to him about this. How can we work out this huge difference?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 12:13pm

The only way of working it out is for you to decide that it doesn't matter to you (i.e., accept him AS IS). It's not like he can change that aspect of himself, so what good is talking about it going to do?

Either accept him as is, or end it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-30-2006 - 11:38pm

I agree with Sheri, Sfallie. The only way this can work out is if you can happily accept him as he is. I don't think you're able to do that though, do you? You've said you're getting frustrated now, after eight months, if it's bothering you this early into the relationship, can you imagine how frustrated you'll be in two years? It sounds like you feel guilty for feeling frustrated with this, and I know that it can feel like you're expecting too much or being too picky when an aspect of someone really bugs you, but the truth is, it just means he's right in a lot of areas (like being sweet and emotionally open), but isn't completely right. The guy who's right for you will be right in all areas, any who's not won't be right enough -- and they shouldn't be. Don't think badly of yourself for wanting it all, you absolutely should want it all, you shouldn't settle for less than everything you want. It's not picky, it's realistic and it's intelligent. That doesn't mean you can't date people who aren't 100% right for you, by the way, it just means you have to recognize they're not right and make certain you don't get emotionally involved with them. Just because this guy isn't quite right for you doesn't mean he's not exactly right for someone else, I'm certain he is exactly right for someone, just not you. And he deserves to have that person in his life, the one who he's exactly right for. He deserves to be with someone who thinks he's absolutely perfect just as he is, the same as you deserve. He won't have the chance to find that person who's right for him while he's with you, and neither will you.


This is your life you're talking about -- finding the guy who's absolutely right is the only way to go.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"