girlfriend/dancer?
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| Sun, 05-14-2006 - 12:28am |
Two years ago I went to a strip club with some buddies, it was a bachelor party on the spur of the moment, not something I would regularly do (I am 30 this year). My buddies where having a blast and getting drunk but I was just stunned by the beauty of one of the dancers, she looked like Lynda Carter at 25. My buddies noticed my star eyed stare and the next thing I knew I was the recipient of a lap dance. After the dance I was able to coax her over to a private table away from my buddies and we talked for about a half an hour before she had to dance again.
For the next week I was a regular at the club, and finally my flowers, candy and gold hart necklace payed off, she went on a date with me. We dated for a year and I asked her to move in with me which she agreed. Since that time she has attended a community college and become an EMT with our fire dept. (as a volunteer) and is now working on the next level EMT certification. She is one of the most wonderful and fantastic people in the world. She was also hired at one of the nicer exotic dance clubs and commutes to her dancing job 3 nights a week.
I would rather her not dance but I know she enjoys it, so I support her in that. Also with just a high school diploma, she is going to take a huge pay cut when she stops dancing. Our relationship is nothing less than special, we are both into sports, working out, camping, and mountain biking. Jen (my girlfriend) seems to really like my friends and family, even my mother adores her and keeps asking me when I am going to marry her.
Everything sounds perfect, in fact when we go to Europe on vacation next month I am going to ask Jen to be my wife. Here is the problem: my best friend was with some friends at “the club” and he recognized Jen. I first got an email from him last week, “god your girlfriend is hot!” Well, the loud mouth told my brother, who told his girlfriend, who told my sister. You see where this is going. My parents are pretty religious and I suspect they are going to be shocked at the news that Jen is a “stripper.”
I just don’t know what to do? Should I try to tell my parents before the rumor mill gets to them? I am not even sure what to say to Jen? The last thing I want is Jen to be worried about what my parents or friends think of her. Any advise would be great!

So you've kept secret the fact that your girlfriend is a stripper for
I agree with everything Kimbirdy said. From the very beginning you had to know this day would come, if the relationship continued. As Kimbirdy said, your girlfriend is almost certainly aware of how your parents will view her chosen profession (yes, I know she's studying EMT, but you said she dances because she loves it). I believe if you're doing something you can't look others in the face and tell them about you have no business doing it. That applies to your girlfriend who's participated in hiding this from your parents and it applies to you in keeping it quiet yourself. Your buddy did nothing wrong, he was honest. Even if he didn't make it known, at some point someone would have.
I think your next step is coming clean with your parents and start working on repairing the damage that will result. The sooner you start, the sooner it will be over.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I see this a bit differently than the other two posters. When you started this relationship, you didn't realize that you would one day propose to this woman, so her profession was not an issue for your family and friends. I have no idea what you told them, beyond the fact that she was working on EMT certification (good for her, by the way, and not easy, considering that she works nights); obviously, you lied there, either by omission or commission, and she probably just let them believe whatever the two of you had agreed on--not good, as you know by now.
So, what to do? The first thing you HAVE to do is come clean. Since you have not yet proposed to Jen, this is YOUR problem. Go to mom and dad (who may already know, since sibs are notorious for blabbing) and tell them that your future wife is an exotic dancer. If they get on a high horse, you will have to stand up for the woman you love, and let them know that if their treatment of her is going to be any different now, the two of you will not be coming around as much. This can all be done gently, politely, earnestly, sincerely--there's no need for a major scene.
Tell Jen that the word is out, and that things may be somewhat strained with your parents the next couple of times she sees them, since they are now envisioning her in sequins and stilettos, rather than EMT blues.
The second thing to address is the major cut in income that is coming her way, since almost no one puts a $20 in an EMT's G-string: she needs to start banking everything above the salary she will make as an EMT, so she doesn't go into shock when she gets her first paycheck.
Although probably no one would select exotic dancing as a preferred career for a daughter, one of my daughter's friends put herself through college working as an exotic dancer. Once she was employed in her chosen career, she left the clubs and never looked back, and she had a nice nest egg that she used to buy her first house.
I wish you the best during what is going to be an uncomfortable and embarrassing time.