Giving up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Giving up...
4
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:09am

Ok, my last posts were positive and I was moving forward, but now i'm kind of down again. I've come to terms with my SO's infidelity and am trying to move on. I don't want it to hinder my healing anymore. We had a long arguement/talk about it and I did feel better afterwards.


Now, the thing is that I thought the whole anger and resentment about his infidelity was causing me to hate everything that he does. Well,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: elle_elle
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:15am

If smoking is one of your deal breakers (which it is for me) then you end the relationship and move on.

He has no desire to quit. I think even if he smoked outside, aired things out, living the rest of your life with a smoker is not fun. You're still going to smell it. And it'll bug the crap out of you for the next 60 years.

So end it already!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: elle_elle
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:38am

Elle, I won't be able to reply to your post until tonight after work, but I wanted to post the links to your previous posts so anyone who's not familiar or who needs a refresher can read it:


He Spends Too Much!!!!
Am I Just Being Too Hard???









"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: elle_elle
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 1:49pm

I know how you feel. I grew up in a house with a smoker and detest it. I detest the smell, and being around it is enough to make me sick even if I don't have a cold. My heart goes out to you living like that when you don't want to.

But that's not the issue here. The issue is he's not a supportive partner, it's not a supportive or healthy or mutually beneficial relationship, and the question is when/how are you going to get out not IF. He could quit smoking, that would not change the relationship. He could have never cheated, that would not have changed this about the relationship. If you find the drama is too much, find a place and go.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: elle_elle
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:47pm
Elle, previously you've mentioned that he smokes cigars and that he smokes pot. Are you talking about cigarettes/cigars here or are you talking about pot? You've talked about a "smoking hangover" and said he acts like he doesn't even realize you were sick. I'm asking for a definition of what he's smoking because if it's pot, it's likely he's stoned and, as an addict, doesn't care about anything but his addiction. If it's cigarettes/cigars, he's simply an unsupportive, selfish partner who's only interest is in exactly what he wants.

In regard to getting over his infidelity. I'm glad you're doing the work on your end, but without his participation and real continuing work on his part you won't get through the issue as a couple.












"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

~ Author unknown


Photobucket











"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"