Had it up to here

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Had it up to here
15
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 10:04pm

My husband agrees that he is having some mental and emotional issues but he refuses to seek outside help. And by outside I mean anyone except for himself. I am really believing that he is bipolar but it’s hard to say because he won’t go in for anything outside of physical pain. He had a back injury in 2005 and has since been prescribed (on-going) vicodin for the pain, xantax for anxiety and an anti-depressant for sleeping. He won’t take the anti-depressant because he doesn’t believe he needs it. He has refused to do marriage counseling because he doesn’t feel that it is our problem. He says that he knows what is wrong with him but cannot and will not tell me. This is so insane because we have been together since we were in high school, 11 years now (6.5 married), and now he is refusing to tell me things after a very open relationship. He has gotten violent during what I call episodes—just kicking things over though one time he did push me down from behind because he thought I had said something and he didn’t want me to have control. That was the craziest thing ever because I definitely didn’t have control over anything and hadn’t even said anything. Earlier that evening he had jumped out of a moving car in the middle of the street (not hurt besides some bruises).

Other than that, I don’t have reason to believe he is hearing things per se, however he will often have a complete conversation between him and I and be pissed at what he said as me—like he knows I am sitting there and he is mad and in my opinion, just being a jerk and talking for me. However half-way through he starts believing what he’s saying as me. It’s absurd! He has an insatiable sex drive. We didn’t have sex Saturday night because I fell asleep and then last night, when he woke me up when he got home, he said, “Well we’re obviously not going to have sex tonight. Do you wonder why I might look elsewhere?” Last night he was downstairs when he thought I was asleep and he was just cussing. Like every 20 seconds a new word or phrase would come out of his mouth. He was SHOCKED that he had woken me up (he had the TV and stereo going and wasn’t talking quietly) and then told me that he gets angry at night and he verbalizes it. He told me it had nothing to do with me and that should be enough—he couldn’t understand why the whole thing was upsetting to me. Alcohol was involved when he jumped out of the car/pushed me down, and last night, but often it’s not. Especially when he does the mock conversations and then in less than a minute, has ticked himself off while talking for me.

Rest assured that we don’t have kids. Has anyone ever dealt with someone who refused to get help? I think the most frustrating thing for me in all this is not seeking help. If I knew that this was something that was being worked on, than I could continue to deal. But I'm dealing with symptoms and it doesn't look like there is an end in sight at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
In reply to: lurpee
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 4:35pm

Hi Betty,

I want to preface this by saying that I am not a licensed or clinical psychologist but I do have my BA in psych and have focused on both development and biological/physiological areas.

What your husband has does not sounds like schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is rarely induced by head injuries and does typically manifest itself in the early to mid twenties for both males and females. Bi-polar disorder is characterized by mid to long periods of depression followed by hyper/activity flightiness. This hyper activity can manifest itself in various ways including hyper sexual activity/ anger/ mood swings/ crazed fits and mostly a sense of grandeur.

If your husband has done this before and most importantly has assaulted you or is a danger to himself, it is very possible that you can get a 51-50 on him. This is just a temporary hold in a psychological center. A medical professional and most likely a police officer would come to pick him up. It can be a pretty low key event if you plan for this. Adult protective services/ the county or any police officer can help you with this.

He needs to be diagnosed by BOTH a psychologist and a psychiatrist and I would recommend that a medical professional see him as well. What I would recommend is to talk to his doctor about being prepared for him after his release. Once the 51-50 is placed on your husband he will be released but will be told to take meds and see a doctor immediately. I do believe the vicodin may be causing something of an addiction and he may be having some sort of withdrawals, which might have some harsh symptoms including hallucinations and definitely anger.

If he is even slightly physical with you, YOU MUST DO SOMETHING. you are only hurting him and yourself by waiting. Get a hold of someone immediately. If he loves you and he ends up hurting you, he may not live it down and you will have some issues to overcome in addition.

I hope this helps. Please check Web MD as well for side effects of vicodin and maybe look up addiction/withdrawal symptoms.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
In reply to: lurpee
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:56pm
So yesterday after work I went to my in-laws house to borrow a drill and it kind of all came out. They were really supportive and cool without getting into the details. I went to a budget meeting after their house and then to home where I talked to my husband about things. I don't know what changed but he agreed to see a doctor! So hopefully I will see progress soon but that was a huge relief. I have no idea why he decided now since I've been begging for six years, but he finally agreed. Thank you all so much for your input and support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lurpee
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:26pm
Oh Betty, I am so glad! I saw your post on the Families and Mental Illness board, you must have been pretty surprised and relieved that his parents were so willing to accept what you were saying ~ how great to have their support, especially when you expected opposition!


Is he planning to go to his regular doc or is he seeing a mental health professional? Regardless, I think it may be very important for you to attend this appointment with him as you'll be able to provide information that he may neglect to include, may not remember, or may not think is important.


I'm so glad you came back to let us know! I've been wondering how you're doing (as you can tell since I'm checking the Families & Mental Health board to see how you're doing, lol!) Let us know how the appointment goes, okay?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
In reply to: lurpee
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 10:28pm
I made the appointment for him and talked to the doc. I didn't tell him what I thought but my husband's state of mind as far as I can tell and some of the major incidences. So, husband had the appointment last Wednesday (with a Psychologist, PHD) and the doc said, "I am just going to tell you what I think it going on and you're not going to like it. I'm not sure yet as this is our first meeting, but has anyone ever talked to you about bipolar disorder?" Husband said that I thought he was bipolar II and the doc said that is what he is thinking. He's very textbook. I was surprised when I picked husband up that he was very calm and told me all of this stuff (although he does tell me everything--besides that one huge thing of what he felt was wrong). He has appointment for this Wednesday and will continue to see him. So, things seem to be progressing positively. Thank you all for your input and support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lurpee
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 1:36am
Betty, thanks so much for letting us know, I am soooooo glad things are coming along as they are! This has to be such a relief to you, such a godsend.


I assume that beyond his continuing appointments he'll receive medication to ease his symptoms? Again, thanks for letting us know, I'm so glad for you - and for him!








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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