Thank you so much for your reply harmony08.
Wow, you couldn't be more bang on right about the "enmeshment". This is exactly his concern, he says it to me ALL the time. I just didn't know there was a word for it. If we've spent one of the weekend days together, the next day, even if he's not going out himself, he always encourages me to call up my friends and go out with them. He always says that he wants to make sure we both have our own lives while in the relationship and don't get lost within each others lives. He says this ALL the time. Because of this he never gets too close to my friends and doesn't let me get too close to his friends. He doesn't want my friends to become his friends and doesn't want his friends to become my friends. He has expressed how much this concerns him many many times. And your bang on right that this can keep a couple at a distance because this did for us for the first year of our relationship. For the first year, I don't think he knew exactly how to become "close and intimate" with me while still ensurng he didn't become enmeshed in our relationship. I think we are slowly starting to find a balance with. We are clearly not there yet but have come a long way since we starting dating.
But I think you're also right about keeping an eye open to ensure this is really the reason why he wants to keep his girl friends away from me....
He has budged about the letting me know which girl friend he's hanging out with. He's not all that happy about it but he's willing to do it because it will make me feel more comfortable. He still isn't too keen on me knowing all of his friends, particularly girl friends. I already know most of his guy friends because they are all from one big circle of friends and I have gone out with them before many times. But most of his girl firneds are individual friends (not from a circle of friends), so I've never met them since he doesn't meet them much either other than chatting with them A LOT on BBM. He isn't too keen on me getting to know these friends, other than by name and how he knows them. He doesn't really want me to meet them right now, he feels like its not something you can plan and do, it's something that comes over time when you become closer and closer as a couple. I'll give him that.
But you're also right that I need to set my boundries on what I am not willing to budge on as well. There's only so much I can compromise on as well, just like him I also have values and I need to ensure I stand by them. He's amazing to me and makes me so happy that I can't put it into words, so I've compromised on a lot of things that I wouldn't have normally done previously. And I certainly am not complaining about it, I think he's worth it. But like I said, I need to ensure I remember my values and ensure I'm not compromising to the point that I will regret it and potentially resent him later.
Thank you very much for all of your advice. I appriciate that you actually took the time to think about the situation and read all of my LONG posts. You are clearly very knowledgable. And I apprciate that you gave feedback rather than just saying "drop him".
Lots of love.
Well good, then at least you know what you are dealing with!
Exactly what I was going to say.
At the end of the day you have to be fine with these issues. You have to be at peace with them. If you really are not, and are just burying them then you really are not fine with them. In that case you are pushing them off for another day. Fundamental ideas about boundaries have to be pretty well in sync otherwise you will always have these lingering and nagging doubts and suspicions. It is no way to go through life. He may be the best relationship you have even had but that does not mean it is the best relatioship you could have.
Your absoltely right khatru1. I am not fine with this.
I understand not liking the technology, but the technology isn't to blame here.