is he being selfish?
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is he being selfish?
| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:35am |
Good morring everyone, my husband and I were married 13 months ago. We have never been on a honeymoon. He came here from Bolivia 6 years ago. He came into some money and is planning on going back there for two weeks this summer. Two resaons why I am angry, 1. when he received the money I suggest he buy the tv he always wanted and go next year together he said "that an idea, I' ll think about it." a few days later we went to the store and bought the tv so I took it as he wasn't going.WRONG! 2. He doesn't want to take me and when I reminded him we never had a honeymoon and lets go on one together he said "no, next year." We might not have the money next year and I feel we should take advantage of this while we can. I feel very decieved by him and I am also extremely hurt. What are your thoughts on this?

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What is his purpose in going for 2 weeks? A vacation for himself? To see family? Business?
Carrie
For a vacation and to see extended family. His mother,brother and sister live in the same state as us. The tv and speakers to go with the surround sound cost 4700.00. Honestly I didn't want the tv or the trip because I am losing my home next month and I wanted to put everthing towards a new home.
Edited 1/30/2007 12:08 pm ET by emerging31
Edited 1/30/2007 12:09 pm ET by emerging31
Carrie
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Wow. I was coming to this message board seeking advice for the exact same thing! My DH is selfish financially, too. We've been married almost 8 years and he continues to make purchases regardless of our financial situation (for example we're low on $ yet he just went out and spent $500 on himself!!!!!!!!!!! and we're low on money because of him!) So I am writing to let you know to think back if he's ever been selfish before and you overlooked it because it was small compared to this. Also watch out because if he's willing to do this just imagine what else he can do. My hubby has bought a car without okaying it with me and even belittled me into buying a house and then I "let" him buy a second house (which is why we have no $ now) figuring he'd see how wrong he was and lose some $...well now we're losing at least $10,000 and the idiot is still out buying himself stuff and my car is 11 years old! Your marriage has just begun but be prepared. If he's wanting a vacation without you that is not right.
Jeann
MY HUSBAND SAYS 1. HE DOESN'T WANT TO WORRY ABOUT ENTERTAINING ME 2.OUR BABY IS TO YOUNG (HE WOULD BE OVER 1 Y/O)3. HE IS GOING WITH HIS MOTHER,BROTHER,SISTER AND THEY DON'T LIKE ME. WHY DON'T THEY LIKE ME WELL I'LL TELL YOU. THEY THINK I'M LAZY BECAUSE I'M NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW. MY HUSBAND DOESN'T WANT ME WORKING NOW BECAUSE HE FEELS THE BABY IS TO SMALL(6 MONTHS). HE SAY THEY WILL LIKE ME WHEN I START TO WORK AGAIN. I GOT MARRIED BY THE JP IN DECEMBER 2005. IN DECEMBER 2006 WE HAD OUR FORMAL WEDDING. HIS SISTER NOR HIS BROTHER CAME. HIS MOTHER CAME BUT ONLY BECAUSE HER FRIENDS WERE COMING. SHE COMPLETELY INGORED ME, TURNED HER BACK TO ME AND DIDN'T EVEN LOOK WHEN WE GOT INTRODUCED,OUR TOAST OR OUR FISRT DANCE. I'LL TELL YOU SOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED SO YOU CAN GET AN IDEA OF THEM. WHEN I WOULD BE IN HIS FAMILYS PRESSENCE THEY WOULD TALK SPANISH KNOWING I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND BUT THEY ALL COULD SPEAK ENGLISH. THEN I WOULD HEAR COMMETS LIKE I'M NOT SOCIALABLE AND WHY DON'T I TALK? DUH! MAYBE BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE SAYING. HIS SITER TOLD ME THAT MY BABY WAS A MISTAKE. OVER THANKSGIVING WEEKEND WE GOT INTO A FIGHT AND HIS SISTER CAME HERE DURING IT AND WENT BACK AND TOLD THE MOM. THAT'S ANOTHER WHY THEY DON'T LIKE ME. MY HUSBAND DID NOTHING TO DEFEND ME, EVEN TO THIS DAY. HE SAYS THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT ME SO WHAT DO I WANT HIM TO DO? JUST START A FIGHT WITH THEM? THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. I WANT HIM TO DEFEND HIS WIFE. HE SAID THE NEXT TIME THEY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME THEN HE WILL EXPLODE. WHAT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH IS HE GOES THERE AND TREATS THEM LIKE THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. GETTING BACK TO THE TRIP, HE SAID WE WILL GO WHEN THE BABY IS OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER (ABOUT 6Y/O) I ASKED HIM WE IF COULD PLEASE GO ON A CRUISE. AT FIRST HIS RESPONSE WAS "FINE BUT IF MY GRANDFATHER DIES BEFORE I GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU AND I WILL WALK OUT THAT DOOR, IF THAT IS HOW YOU WANT TO PLAY." WHAT I GET FROM HIM ALOT IS "LET ME DO THINGS THEY WAY I WANT AND I'LL BE HAPPY", "DON'T BE LIKE THAT.", "YOU ARE NOT MY OWNER YOUR JUST MY WIFE." THEN TODAY HE TOLD ME HE IS GOING TO KEEP THINGS FROM ME AND NOT TO QUESTION HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT. ALL I WANT IS TO FEEL SPECIAL TO HIM AND THAT I AM IMPORTANT TO HIM. IT'S LIKE I AM MARRIED WITHOUT A HUSBAND. HOW DO AND YOUR SPOUSE HANDLE THE PAYCHECKS? DO YOU CONFIDE IN ONE ANOTHER THE AMOUNT OR DO YOU KEEP IT A SECRECT? THIS IS YET ANOTHER ISSUE WE HAVE. WHAT ABOUT GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS, HOW OFTEN DO YOU? MINE HANGS WITH THEM ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND. LAST WEEKEND THEY CALLED UP AND CAME OVER 3:00AM STAYED UNTIL 6:00AM MY HUSBAND LEFT WITH THEM AND DIDN'T RETURN UNTIL 9:00 AND HE CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS UPSET.
Please take the "Cap Lock" off when you write. Writing in capital letters is known as "shouting", it's hard to read.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I appoligize I realized it when I was almost done and I didn't feel like writing over. If there was a way to change them to lower case I would have, I did try.
I don't know who I am anymore. I was diagnosed with depression this past October. It has been very hard for me. I don't get much support from him. He feels it is all in my head. I have told him many times I need his support and to help me get past this but instead he does things that make me feel worse. For the first five months he was a different person. He made me feel special,loved and wanted. He also treated my other two children with kindness. So I know he has it in him. When I asked him why he has changed hie response is "because things are not how I want them to be" He wants everthing done his way or it's not right.
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