He called me by his ex wife's name
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| Tue, 08-29-2006 - 5:05am |
I went away camping this weekend with my boyfriend of over 1 year, his kids and his friends and their kids. We all had a fabulous time but on the last night my boyfriend called me by his ex wife’s name. The situation was his son was asking him about something and he turned to ask me and called me by her name though he quickly corrected himself. I was mortified and so hurt. To me this said that she must have been on his mind as they always went camping together and he had never called me by her name before.
I went all quiet and got a bit teary and he took me aside and asked what was wrong. When I told him how it made me feel, he apologised but said it hadn’t meant a thing, it was purely a slip of the tongue. He could understand I was upset but thought I was taking it a bit too far as I should know she doesn’t mean a thing to him anymore. The 2 other women who heard him say it to me (have been his friend for years) said they would be upset too had it happened to them but that I had nothing to worry about, he was smitten with me and he certainly had no romantic feelings left for his ex at all.
Im just confused. I want to believe him but I can’t quite stop thinking that it must mean something as after a year, I certainly don’t expect to be called by her name.
He was so lovely the next day, cuddling me, kissing me, he couldn’t do enough for me. Is this just him wanting to reassure me as he knew how badly it had affected me, or is this a sign that maybe I was onto something?
As you all know, Ive suffered from insecurity in the past but have really been getting a grip on it lately and I just feel like this is a major set back. Im so angry at myself for getting upset but im also gutted that this situation actually occured in the first place.

Thank you. After he apologised I did accept it and told him not to worry, it was over and done with and that I was just shocked that he had said it after all this time. I have been fine with him since but I guess its just that now im alone, Ive been brooding on it.
Actually im beginning to feel a bit ashamed at getting so visibly upset in front of him and all his friends. They must think im a right wally.
I ask my H all the time if something I did was with him or another guy I dated. And I joke that my H lucked out because his serious gf before me was also a Jen, lol.
Seriously, it was a slip. I would be bothered too. I would probably have gone all wally in the moment. But it was just a slip.
Jen
Welcome back, Dillydrip ~
For those who don't recall Dillydrip's previous post you can find it here:
I feel like a better person
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thats made me feel ten times better for reading it again. It reiterates what I already know and I was so silly for letting an innocent slip of the tongue get to me so much, especially after doing so well. I thought I was on top of things but I can see that I still need to work hard on not letting my emotions control me, but for me to control them. Bit gutted that Ive taken a step back in what I thought was some good progress.
Im glad that when we both spoke the next day I was able to say it was all over and done with but also that I hoped he understood why I was upset. He said he did and again said that it meant nothing.
Its only bothering me now as im sitting here with time on my hands and im brooding. I need to stop going over old ground and just listen to myself when I say its over and done with.
Thank god for this message board. It helps me get my fears out and to hear the things I need to hear instead of stewing on my own for hours on end.
Edited 8/29/2006 12:19 pm ET by dillydrip
More than just being okay with it, I'd expect it to happen again.
On the flip side, my husband has called me by his ex-wife's name. To which I've reacted with quite a bit of laughter and ribbing.
I think your reaction speaks to the insecurity and unworthiness that you identified in your previous post. Those are things that don't go away without getting the root of those feelings out and dealing with them, you can "pave" over them and/or work to control them, but that doesn't make them go away, it just tucks them down deep. Maybe it's time to see a therapist to actually resolve those issues so they don't continue to pop up, affecting you and your relationship.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"