He can't stop the lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2006
He can't stop the lies
13
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 2:02pm
I am at my wits end to the point where I think I may be going crazy. My DH has been lying to me for months. Mostly about his whereabouts when he is not home. Other than the lies, he is perfect. and he lies about the same thing all the time. He has a male friend that lives hours away in Chicago and he 'visits' him on the sly constantly. I always find out though. Whenever I confront him on it he has a way of twisting it all around to make it my fault. Like I make him lie. He used to think I had a problem with his 'friend' but I have told him time and time again that the only problem I have is with the lying about him. Its a very odd relationship and sometimes I even question if they could be having an affair or something(??) Its making me crazy as there is know way I could ask him about THAT without killing his masculinity. I know he loves me, I can feel it and I have no doubt that he wants to be with me and I know he is not seeing any other women. Its just that I have a gut feeling that maybe there is something 'going on' between them. Is it possible for a perfectly loving straight man to be doing this? We have a pretty good sex life (2-4) times per week but he does take ED drugs which he lies to me about too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 4:21am

Agree with Dirextor.


I suppose the "huge stash of straight porn" might indicate that he's straight not gay (that seems reasonable, but I have no real idea if it holds up or not), but it certainly opens up another huge question mark and reason for concern. A "huge stash" indicates a porn problem. He's lying, lying, lying to you all over the place, in more areas than you realized, both verbally and by omission and hiding. The porn stash might relieve your gay fears, but it opens up a whole lot more fears and doesn't really resolve anything at all.


I will tell you that addicts of any kind (porn, drug, alcohol, gambling) may be the most honest people you'd ever know, but talk to any who are in recovery and they'll tell you they'd lie through their teeth to cover their addiction. Could he be going "away" where he won't be recognized to visit porn houses or more?


Links to some articles that may be helpful:
Is My Partner a Sex Addict?
What Is a Sexual Addiction?
Six Kinds of Sex Addicts
Are You a Sex Addict?

I'd also suggest you post on the Families Damaged by Pornography to get their thoughts.

It's up to you how you proceed, or if you proceed. Clearly, something's up and he's not being honest on many levels. It would seem he has a secret life that you know nothing about. He's being completely dishonest and evasive with you and that's not fair to you.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2006
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:45pm
Well, thank you all for your advice and concern. We are actually going away together for a week (leaving today) and apparently are going to try and resolve some of our issues. I will let you know how it goes when we get back. I think I am going 'to let it all out' (except maybe the gay thing...not sure about approacing that one) and see what happens. Thank you again and I will 'see' you all when I get back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:58pm
Best of luck, Ladylu.








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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