He doesn't like calling, but we are LD

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
He doesn't like calling, but we are LD
3
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:58am

A relationship which ended over 2.5 years ago is not anyone's business.




Edited 6/25/2009 7:11 pm ET by auntyem4
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:11am

While I would never consider having a LDR, in theory I would want a lot of contact too.

However, there's not much you can do to change his mind about how much contact is required. There's really no right or wrong in this, just difference of opinion. Because of this, you have to focus on your own reactions. He's showing you how it will be with him and you've got to take it or leave it.

If you accept it, then do it without complaint. Or if you decide that you can't do it, then break it off.

There is a chance that if you break it off he may decide that he'd rather increase contact rather than loose you. But be aware that an increase in contact may only be temporary till he gets comfortable again.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:44am
Welcome back, Auntyem4 ~ I knew your name as soon as I saw it, but it took me a while to put it together; you hadn't posted your own post, you posted your situation within a post from someone else whose situation struck you like your own.


For those who aren't familiar with your situation, the previous post can be found here:

Am I a priority?


Auntyem, I'd really encourage you to re-read your old post and the responses too. I'll be back ~







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 3:12am
Auntyem, I think in reading your previous post you're going to come up with some stark truths.


Here's the timeline as you outlined it: You got together in December 2004. You were only really together for a month. You were only really happy for a month. It's now been 20 months and you're in the same place. Not together, not happy, getting the short end of the stick. Listening to his excuses.


Perhaps I read you wrong, but it sounds like you're saying you've driven up to see him, he hasn't reciprocated, but he should. Is that correct? I'll hold off more on that until I know for sure.


He hates to talk on the phone, so he doesn't bother to pick up. Before he was stopping in the middle of conversations, never to come back. He doesn't do snail mail and has emailed you maybe ten times in eight months. Kiddo, nothing has changed. He's ignoring you, keeping you on the shelf and you're sitting there waiting and accepting treatment that no one with an ounce of self care and self worth would put up with. "Things are great when we're together". Exactly how often is that?


The bottom line is not different this time than it was before. If he wanted to see you more, he would. If he wanted to stay in contact, he would. His actions are still clearly telling you that you are not a priority, that his level of care for you is very low; otherwise, he'd be staying in contact because he wanted to and he'd be staying in contact to keep the connection. He'd want to keep the connection. If you mattered, he'd stay in contact. Do the math; you've been in a relationship for 20 months and you've been unhappy for 19 of them. You're going on the second year, this is reality, Auntyem, this is what there is for you here, this is what your relationship with him is like; brief great sex (it's always new so of course it's great) followed by months of little to no contact. You deserve a real relationship with someone who's really there, with someone who really wants to be with you, be in contact with you. Someone who's physically there. You deserve that kind of relationship, you deserve a real relationship. But you won't find it as long as you're waiting for him, it'll pass you right by.


"Help? Advice? Argument in which to help him understand the importance of this?"
Sweetie, there is no argument to make him get this. He's not stupid, he gets it, he just doesn't care. If you could have convinced him, if you could have made him care, you'd have done it by now. This is your wake up call.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"