He is friends with his ex and I have a problem with it

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
He is friends with his ex and I have a problem with it
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 7:29pm

My husband and I have this issue that is really eating me up. I don’t know if I am right or wrong or simultaneously both, but it is making me crazy.

My DH and I have been together 5.5 years and married 2.5. I really love this man.

I am jealous of his ex fiancé. She lives in another state but they keep in touch regularly. He says the relationship consists of him giving her advice about her life.  I don’t know exactly how much they talk, or email or text or whatever but I think he talks to her and thinks about her a lot more than he admits. I think that he gets something out of that relationship that he does not want to admit to me (or himself.)

He knows that I am jealous. I have told him that it hurts me that he talks to her. He chooses to do so anyway, so whatever he gets out of it must be pretty important to him.  I have told him that I feel like he loves her more than me and that he would leave me for her. He says that is nonsense and that he knows he could have her back and doesn’t want her back.  

As a husband, he is great to me other than this. We communicate. He tries to make me happy in a million little ways. He defers to my preferences and he’s good with the kids. He has a good job and he’s in school. We bought a house together and there is enough money to go around. We are a match on many levels.

With her they did drugs and got arrested. They ruined each other’s lives and the seemed to have had a lot of passion and a lot of sex.  He says they went through hard times together and experienced things I would never really understand (what does that mean??)

We have discussed him not talking to her anymore, but I am not certain I want to be the one to put a stop to it. I freely have friendships with men and he trusts me. He has many other women friends who I have no problem with.  I still speak to my ex but only because we have children together. We are not friends. I feel like I would like him to stop talking to her because he knows how much it hurts me.

This is the one and only thing we ever fight about.

I am really hurt about this, and I don’t know what my options are.