I have been with my guy j
I agree that backing off is game playing...it's not something I'd do either.
Thing is, if your guy was NEVER this way, then it's not about him getting too comfortable. Instead, it's just who he is.
Perhaps he shows his love for you in different ways? Does he fix stuff around your house? Does he spend a lot of quality time with you? Does he suggest restaurants and places where you can go on dates? There are many ways to show love without doing gushy romantic things such as flowers and surprises.
And truth be told, of all the things which stop happening over time, the romantic things are frequently the ones which fade.
I agree - You have to tell him what you want. This is what adults do. It isn't satisfying in the way an infant is satisfied when its mother knows exactly how to comfort it with food, changing, nap, etc... But two fully-formed individual adults need to communicate their needs and wants to one another. I don't think you should play games either. It's not that he is "spoiled" - He just doesn't have a brain that thinks "wow, I bet my girlfriend would really like some flowers".
When you remember that we're all different, and that we're not wrong for thinking differently, it is easier to appreciate him for who he is.
Was he ever romantic, or ever do the things you've listed? If he has not, or maybe once or twice, then he's not that type of guy.
I think a great book for you to read is "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. To feel loved and give love, you do the little gifts and small acts of service (two of the languages) and want that in return.
Maybe for him it's just spending quality time with you (another language).
If you read the book you'll see that not everyone has the same love language nor will they interpret your giving as love. Hence alot of heartache or coming to the conclusion that the other one doesn't love them.
It's a quick read.
You say he's sweet and kind to you, comes to see you and takes you out. Well? Are you only accepting specific gestures of affection or would it be good enough that he is expressing affection? I think it is most special when it's done in someone's own way, that means it's authentic. Do you show him you care in the way
Strangely enough, my husband likes putting cards and wrapping paper on gifts. But like your hubby, it would never occur to him to buy a card 'just because'.
>>If I want flowers, when we're out at the store and I see some, I tell him or else I just put them in the cart.<<
Yep, I buy my own flowers too. And have done for many years. Funnily enough, the last time I received flowers was when I was in hospital. My *autistic* son thought I should have them. Makes me laugh that the one with severly impaired social skills thinks to get me flowers but it doesn't occur to hubby.
Hubby does do candles lately though. It's because I'm going through a stage of making them myself and they're always around. Though *romance* isn't his reason for lighting them - he likes the ambience.
It took me a litle bit to get used to his lack of romantic ways. But once I was used to it, I realised that hubbys ways of showing love are actually preferable to me. Anyone can buy a bunch of flowers (a cheating husband I knew bought them for his wife weekly) but my hubby looking after the kids when I'm sick or tired has so much more meaning. Likewise, he frequently chooses to be at home with us instead of always out with the boys. Love shows itself in many different ways.
>>Do you show him you care in the way HE most wants it? << A six pack of beer, pizza and not talking during football is a wonderful token of love to my hubby. As is not being needy if he's got a few extra social activities on.