Is he the one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2006
Is he the one?
7
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 12:40pm
help!
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months. Though we have known eachother for close to six years. About two months ago he broke up with and told me that he was "unhappy" and did not see us together. A week went by and he told me that he wanted to get back together. He said he was just confused and needed some time to think. We have talked about getting married since we first started dating, and he has expressed to me multiple times that he "can't live without me", how amazing I am, and how he wants to have kids with me.
Recently he broke up with me again, told me once again that he was "unhappy", and did'nt want to be toghether. So I left him alone, did not call him, and gave him his space. Again about a week later he said that he over reacted, and does not know why he broke up with me and can't live without me.
I love him so much, but am confused on if he is playing games with me, using me, or just needs his space.
I feel like we will be together forever, or at least we should be. But I always have this fear in the back of my mind that he is going to break up with me...
Am I over reacting? What should I do? Should I stay together with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: palmtree86
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 1:02pm

Uh...no you are not over reacting. He has done it twice in the past six months.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: palmtree86
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 3:25pm

You've got to get the idea out of your head that there is only "ONE" guy out there for you, and if he's IT and you break up with him that you'll lose your one chance at happiness.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: palmtree86
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 8:42pm

If I were you, I wouldn't have taken him back the second time.

Good relationships just aren't this tricky. Ditch the guys who are hard work and find someone who's easy to be with.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: palmtree86
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 12:19am
Whether you've known him as a friend for six years or not, when it comes to a romantic relationship with him you don't know him. You've been together for two months and he's dumped you twice. What does that tell you? It should tell you that if at this very early stage in the relationship the guy is so unsure that it should continue the relationship isn't going to last. At two months the relationship is in the baby stage, when things are simple and easy. If he's not sure now, what's going to happen in seven months when things start to get tough? If it's not right in the easy stage, there's no question it's not right. I know that's not what you wanted to hear. I hope I don't offend you with this, it's not my intent and I'm not saying this is true, but a week is just about the right amount of time for a young guy to decide that he's been without sex for long enough and be calling back his "sure thing". If you're having sex with him it's very likely that he's ending it legitimately but being drawn back for sex (easier to have sex with someone you know you can than to go through the process of finding someone new -- it also ends all concerns about rejection). It could easily be that his desire to get back together with you is for sex, but soon he's back to wanting to end it because while the sex is working the relationship is not. It certainly wouldn't be the first time that happened. Something to think about.


There are some things in your post that were troubling:

  • A week after he says he's unhappy and didn't see you together, he wants back and you let him. A week isn't any time at all for him to have processed anything or come to any real conclusions. Letting him come back after a week is doing so knowing nothing has changed. And you accepted it not once, but twice.
  • The second time he broke up, you say "so I left him alone, did not call him, and gave him his space." Does that mean the first time you stayed in contact with him? If so, big mistake. Not only did you not give him enough time to work on things, if you contacted him, you gave him no time at all.
  • Accepting him back, especially twice in two months sends him the message that you'll accept this kind of treatment, it tells him he can do it again and he can be assured that you will take him back when he decides to give you a call. You're worth more than that and no guy is worth putting up with that kind of bull. It says "I'm desperate, I'll put up with anything.", and you shouldn't.


    Stop and think, Palmtree, he's called it quits twice in two months. Go back to the friendship and let the rest go, it's not going to work. You're worth much more than this, someone who breaks up with you once at this early stage should be enough for you to be unwilling to lower yourself to accept him back. If he's unhappy at eight weeks, it's not happening.







  • ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    when you don't get what you want."

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-21-2006
    In reply to: palmtree86
    Thu, 09-21-2006 - 1:03pm
    I think he has commitment issues. He sees you as the women he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but maybe at this point in his life he isn't ready. I suggest that you talk with him and be like I need to know what is going on. Because I would be worried that when he breaks up with you for that week, is he cheating on you?
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 12-31-2004
    In reply to: palmtree86
    Sun, 09-24-2006 - 6:44am
    He needs to make an appointment with a therapist to hash out with them his confusion about being with you.
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 08-05-2005
    In reply to: palmtree86
    Tue, 09-26-2006 - 7:06pm
    It sounds like he's a bit immature to me. That's not his fault, but it can take some people longer to feel able to commit to someone. It has nothing to do with you- it's him. If you have been talking about marriage and kids often with him, he may be getting a bit freaked out. It would be my guess that he loves you very much or else he would not have stayed with you so long. This said, I don't think you should put up with his constant breakups. It's just not fair to you. You could try dating other people for a little while. Sometimes it takes a real separation for someone to realize how perfect you are to them. It would be my guess that if you suggested this, your boyfriend would not even be able to see anyone else and he would realize that he can't keep tossing around your feelings because you might just go looking for love somewhere else.