is he a selfish bf?
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is he a selfish bf?
| Fri, 06-09-2006 - 11:02am |
if a bf is not selfish in other areas except in bed, is he still selfish? my bf reaches climax very quickly & leaves me hanging there. it's been 3 months. we read about all those methods to prolong/ pause him for a while but he did not make much effort to try. he gets wat he wants in the end while i feel i'm being used. he says he may be selfish in bed but he aint selfish in other areas. is dat acceptable? it's a big step for me to do something so intimate with him & i jus feel lost after it. i don't want to come across as a horny bitch but am i, to want my satisfaction too? i am utterly confused & i regret ever doing it with him. should i jus stop or stop being with him altogether?

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As far as the questions you asked go, someone can be insensitive, uncaring, selfish, mean, cold, etc., and if someone is willing to accept being treated that way, the relationship will continue. Does that mean it's healthy relationship? No. Does that mean it's a happy relationship? No. It most likely means the one who's taking the awful treatment is afraid to look for a better, healthier relationship, maybe has such poor self esteem that they think being with someone who treats them that way is better than being alone (yikes), things like that. Lots of relationships that are unhealthy and inappropriate continue, but that doesn't make them good. Here are two website pages that show what goes into a healthy relationship versus some examples of what goes into an unhealthy relationship:
Components of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Relationship Wheels
I hope that helps.
~ cl-2nd_life"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
i tink i am my worst critic.. bit of a perfectionist too. that's y i constantly ask myself if i am doing the right thing. i just want to try to be a better person- better daughter, friend, gf, colleague etc. i don't ever want to be complacent & take my loved ones for granted.
as for low self-esteem, yes, i admit i felt very bad about myself after a particular awful relationship & then break-up. i was lost & felt i am be a terrible person for my ex to betray me. it took me a long time to get over it & finally start to believe in myself again. then i felt i was ready for a new relationship which is the one now. things were ok, managed to iron out some rough bits.. until this bed issue began to bother me.
now i am torn between giving it another try or just forgetting it. & naggy negative thots do gnaw at me like "he don't love me, that's why he don't care about my happiness/pleasure." i talked to him about it & he has promised to be considerate. but i am not keen to go to bed with him for fear of being let down. but i will not avoid it if the time is right. i need to find out if he means what he says.
i feel that couples must give & take, complement each other & compromise but not with grouch/guilt but must be willing to do so happily with no hidden resentment. thank you all for your time & advice. it has helped me think thru things more clearly.
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