He is up to something, or am I just being paranoid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
He is up to something, or am I just being paranoid?
20
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 2:32pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We've had our share of problems and even a break up for a few weeks after he went out of town on my birthday and lied about it. We've moved on. Sort of. In the back of my mind I'm always wondering if he is being honest. Since it was so easy to lie the first time. So I approached him, he said he didn't realize I was still upset and said he would try to do better. This all happened about 4 months ago. He basically lied because he knew I would be upset and didn't want to deal with it. Then I found a letter from an ex that he kept and he felt guilty so fessed up to a bunch of stuff. I thought we could move past it this fall.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000

What do you mean you can't go out without him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
Yea I really try to go out without him, but he will either text me and ask if he can come or just show up. I've talked to him before, but he has the perfect excuse for everything. The girls in the apartment, he had no clue why they asked him to come in. The bartendar, never seen him before in his life. The weekends, we've "both" been too busy. It's a series of excuses so even trying to talk has just become pointless. I really don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Being over protective of and keeping the cell phone glued to him is the no.1 sign of cheating, as is suddenly going out more and not inviting you along. I think your gut is telling you he's up to no good and it's probably right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009

Your gut is your best friend. Trust it. He's showing all the signs of a cheater and a player. He doesn't meet your needs. He doesn't invite you over to his place. You are worthy of someone who doesn't lie to you. You are worthy of someone who leaves his cell phone lying around while he walks into the other room. You are worthy of someone you can trust, and will say "Have a good time," when you want to hang out with friends. Be your own best friend and find a man who treats you the way you should be treated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001

Welcome to the board, Mel272010 ~

I generally don't like to throw out the suggestion that there might be cheating, but it really does sound like that might be what he's doing.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010

Well I'll give you the details of the "birthday lie." My birthday was coming that weekend and I was having people over, he told me that Wednesday that his best friend who lived 4 hours away surprised him with concert tickets and would it be okay if he went. I wasn't even upset at first, I just said do what you have to do. Then it sunk it that my boyfriend was going out of town on my birthday to a concert that he had already seen months before. He couldn't just say to his friend hey thanks but I have other responsibilities this weekend? It made me feel very insignificant. So we fought for days over it until he left that Friday. He made me feel guilty and called me selfish that his friend surprised him and that I wouldn't let him go. So he went. On my birthday. To Arkansas to a concert we

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

He sounds like a jerk to me--just the birthday concert story.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

I believe he is cheating on you. At the very least there is a whole lot going on that you don't know about. The bar, the girls downstairs, etc. The turning off and hiding of the cell phone, HUGE sign of cheating! You never see him on the wekeends... What kind of relationship is that? At this point you would seem to be so much trouble to his other life that I am not sure why he even wants any kind of relationship with you? He doesn't tell you or want you to know about halff the stuff or more that goes on in his life. You deserve and can have better, orders of magnitude better than this player.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Just this story alone is enough to dump this dud. I can't blame you for not trusting him. You shouldn't. I'd be so done with him by now. It's not worth the heartache.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010

Well after reading all this I decided to try to talk to him again. He lost it! Accused me of just stringing together little details just so I can pick a fight with him. Which is usually how our arguments go. I approach, but it's my fault the arguments happen in the first place. Basically I'm nagging him. And the phone thing his exact words were "I've kept my phone in my pocket since 2000." I don't know even know what that means. He swears he doesn't know anything about the girls downstairs, or the fact that the bartendar knows him. He is just ridiculous. But, I'm going to a birthday party tonight with my friends and he insists on coming. Even though he pissed off at me that I even brought anything up. I don't get it.

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