He is up to something, or am I just being paranoid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
He is up to something, or am I just being paranoid?
20
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 2:32pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We've had our share of problems and even a break up for a few weeks after he went out of town on my birthday and lied about it. We've moved on. Sort of. In the back of my mind I'm always wondering if he is being honest. Since it was so easy to lie the first time. So I approached him, he said he didn't realize I was still upset and said he would try to do better. This all happened about 4 months ago. He basically lied because he knew I would be upset and didn't want to deal with it. Then I found a letter from an ex that he kept and he felt guilty so fessed up to a bunch of stuff. I thought we could move past it this fall.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
He probably wants to go with you everywhere to watch you and make sure your not doing what he's doing.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-14-2001

Thanks for explaining the incidents.


~ cl-2nd_life

cl-2nd_
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009

To add to the other posts, healthy relationships progress. This relationship is actually regressing--spending less time together, etc. You're acting like a very passive player in this relationship. It's like whatever he says goes. You need to get into the driver's seat, woman! You can only choose one lifetime partner in this world, if that's your wish. Or at the very least have a boyfriend who you can trust and makes time for you.

Pick

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't get "he insists on coming."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003

I think you see all the same signs as us, but just don't want to admit to yourself that this

Mocha

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008

It sounds to me you are questioning the right things - things just aren't adding up.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

Oh yes, classic tactics to turn it around on you. Very reminiscient of many political campaigns of late. They constantly attack their opponent in order to keep them off balance. To keep the momentum on their side. To control the situation. To keep from having to actually explain what their candidate stands for and thinks, they keep attacking their opponent and never have to really say all that much themselves. Do you see the similarity to your BF and what he is doing? He's taking control and keeping it. Take it back from him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
I agree, my ex would always say "why are you trying to break us up?" whenever I brought up his lying, his cheating or things he was hiding from me. Or, he'd say "I'm not talking about this, I'm going to sleep/to my shop/outside/to the store" to get me to stop. It was a not-so-subtle threat...either I stop, or he'd end the relationship, or he'd leave. So of course I'd stop because I didn't want to break up...I just wanted him to stop lying/cheating/hiding things from me. But the only way I could keep the relationship together was to put my hands over my ears and over my eyes and pretend I didn't see or know what was right in front of me. Let me say this is no way to have a relationship, it just plain does not work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2011

Wow! Been right where you are right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2011

Another thing...It is one of your friends in your group.

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