he tells me to tell him what/how Im f...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
he tells me to tell him what/how Im f...
7
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:01am

he tells me to tell him what/how Im feeling but when I do it just pisses him off



  • I flat out tell him how I feel even though it makes him mad
  • I sugar coat how Im feeling
  • I dont tell him how I really feel
  • Tell him what he wants to hear
  • Let him know what he does
  • Avoid it all together


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 6:16am

Mandy, I can't comment without more information from you.

Specificially - What are you feeling? Why are you feeling that way? And why is he mad?

For example, if you were *irrationally* jealous and carrying loads of baggage I'd tell you to keep the issues to yourself and seek counselling. But if you were upset because he's out drinking four nights per week and leaving you with the baby, I'd say something completely different.

Know what I mean?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 10:18pm

I agree with Aisha, a problem issue really isn't a good fit for a poll, there are too many variables and no information with which to form an opinion. You may get results, but they'll be absolutely meaningless in your situation because the results will all be based on the poll-takers assumption of what the situation is. Furthermore, it's very likely that the answer I think may be the correct one is one you didn't include.


I hope you'll post a new post, explaining your issue fully so we can understand the situation and offer you thoughts and suggestions that are based on your actual situation.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:01am
Hey thanx for the response, I guess I should explain more. My situation is that Im not that great at talking about how I feel and my boyfriend says that if I dont tell him how I feel about anything and everything that the relationship probably isn't going to work out, but if I tell him that i dont like something and/or get upset about something and let him know how I feel about it, like he tells me to, he just gets mad at me and starts a fight when all I was trying to do was what he wanted, and it really confuses me and makes me a little scared to tell him whats on my mind about some stuff. I guess Im just looking for some sort of dirrection, or at least know that Im not the only girlfriend with this kind of problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:10am

I can certainly see where your boyfriend is coming from. A relationship without communication is not a relationship!

However, I cannot comment on your boyfriend getting upset because it all depends on what the issue is. He may be totally justified at getting upset with you (if you're being unreasonable) or he may not be justified at all.

Can you give some examples of the type of issues that you raise which cause him to be upset?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:26am
Ummm... yeah I guess I should go into some more detail if I really want help. (Bear with me I've never done a pole online before, well accually i've never asked for help about my relationship before) Ok sensitive subject but every time he wants to get intimate and Im not really in the mood and I let him know, he gets really upset and will just roll over and watch tv and not talk to me for ten minutes untill he tries again. Hears the deal though its not like I dont give him enough, I guess being satisfying takes a everytime I see schedual. Keep in mind that we are both 18. I know it seems like we are to young to be bickering about little things and take them seriously, but it really worries me and I really do love this guy, so I want to know whats going wrong. So thats one example. Another is that he's really into his games (PS2 and computor) But Im not always (sometimes but not always) willing to just sit and watch him play his games, so Ill say that Im going to watch tv cus I dont feel like just sitting arround and watching you play youre game, and gets really mad and starts yelling about how he wants to hang out with me and that I should want to watch him. I dont know its all very confusing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:33am

I'd like at least one example of an issue too, so we can see how it goes. I have one other question too, how are you with conflict generally? Are you okay with having verbal disagreements with people?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:41am

Mandy, in the first situation you describe, it's easy to understand that your boyfriend's ego could get bruised; he may feel that he doesn't turn you on, however, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be honest with him. Perhaps you need a different way to tell him you're not in the mood, and perhaps he needs a better method of approaching you. Since you haven't told us what's said or how sex is approached, it's impossible to know.


In the second situation you describe, your boyfriend is being a complete jerk. He has no right to expect you to sit there and watch him while he plays. Great that he "wants to be with you", he can just as easily stop playing his game and go watch TV with you. The reality is that a relationship is about respecting both partners, and he's not respecting you when he expects you to sit and watch him. He should be perfectly okay with you going off and doing your own thing, after all, he's doing his own thing. If this is an example of how he typically expects you to be, it's not okay.


What would happen if when he flies off and starts yelling you said, "I thought you wanted me to tell you what I thought?"







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"