HE WONT THROW AWAY PICTURES OF EX'S!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
HE WONT THROW AWAY PICTURES OF EX'S!!!
24
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 10:05am

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this board but it seemed as if I could get some real advice here so... I'll get straight to the point. Yesterday I asked my husband to throw away all the pictures of his ex-girlfriends. I told him that I felt disrespected. We'll be married a yr on December. He doesn't keep them out so that everyone can see them, he keeps them in a box in the closet. Anyways he said "NO". It made me really upset since I asked him sincerely not trying to be a bitch. I don't keep my ex's pics why should he. He told me that he doesn't trow away pics. Well the box doesn't just have pics it has old love letters from one ex who cheated on him(plus her pics). I asked him why don't you throw away hers and he said I'm fine with throwing hers away. But he wont throw away his other ex's pics. (girl before me, lets call her Larisa). I understand if he doesn't want to throw away prom pics, he went to Larisas prom, but all the other ones. He said the prom pics are the only pics he has of her... so I said too bad. but he still said no. He said he would send the box to his mom so she could keep it if I didn't want it in the house. Why would he want it at his moms? so he can go and look at them whenever he wants? I don't know. I'm just being jealous I know but hey, everyone gets a time they can be jealous and I picked this one. It really bothers me plus the fact that a few months ago (Larisa is a NFL cheerleader) he was showing off the fact that he went out with her to some guys here on the base. That really hurt me and this is making it worse. Am I wrong for wanting him to get rid of them. I know he wont and that box will forever have to be dragged a long with me. ugh... I'm just so frustrated with it. Yea... it was cute how he kept stuff while we were dating but now we're married and I think it's time for him to move on. He said he cant throw them away because it was a good and fun time in his life... I don't know. Should I just get over it?? Or does anyone have some advice on how to get him to get rid of them? HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 5:12am

I was the response that said I was impressed by your husband's offer to send the pictures to his mother, and suggesting you geet help with your insecurities.

When I followed up to see other responses, I found Pinkie's that said you had posted elsewhere about him hitting you. If this is so, then Pinkie is absolutely right. The pictures are the least of your problems, and you need to get out of there FAST.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER put up with physical abuse of any kind. No matter what. There is nothing you could do that would make hitting you a reasonable response. No second chances are in order for him. Abuse should be the ultimate deal breaker.

LRM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 10:49am

Mamiflaquita has posted twice since this post.








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 9:27am

as huge as the abuse issue is, I'm shocked that it wasn't included in the first posting of this thread--she doesn't make a peep about abuse at his hands in this initial thread of hers..

she wrote: "Hi everyone,

I'm new to this board but it seemed as if I could get some real advice here so... I'll get straight to the point. Yesterday I asked my husband to throw away all the pictures of his ex-girlfriends. I told him that I felt disrespected. We'll be married a yr on December. He doesn't keep them out so that everyone can see them, he keeps them in a box in the closet. Anyways he said "NO". It made me really upset since I asked him sincerely not trying to be a bitch. I don't keep my ex's pics why should he. He told me that he doesn't trow away pics. Well the box doesn't just have pics it has old love letters from one ex who cheated on him(plus her pics). I asked him why don't you throw away hers and he said I'm fine with throwing hers away. But he wont throw away his other ex's pics. (girl before me, lets call her Larisa). I understand if he doesn't want to throw away prom pics, he went to Larisas prom, but all the other ones. He said the prom pics are the only pics he has of her... so I said too bad. but he still said no. He said he would send the box to his mom so she could keep it if I didn't want it in the house. Why would he want it at his moms? so he can go and look at them whenever he wants? I don't know. I'm just being jealous I know but hey, everyone gets a time they can be jealous and I picked this one. It really bothers me plus the fact that a few months ago (Larisa is a NFL cheerleader) he was showing off the fact that he went out with her to some guys here on the base. That really hurt me and this is making it worse. Am I wrong for wanting him to get rid of them. I know he wont and that box will forever have to be dragged a long with me. ugh... I'm just so frustrated with it. Yea... it was cute how he kept stuff while we were dating but now we're married and I think it's time for him to move on. He said he cant throw them away because it was a good and fun time in his life... I don't know. Should I just get over it?? Or does anyone have some advice on how to get him to get rid of them? HELP!!!"

it seems that once she was getting responses where people were siding with him keeping his pictures, she started other threads talking about abuse.

it's an observation I made.




Edited 11/3/2006 10:28 am ET by quenek
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:25am
It's also possible that she didn't want to admit the abuse. When you're in an abusive situation, you tend to look at the abuse as something that has happened, not as something that will necessarily happen again. You can focus so much on hoping/wishing/willing it to get better that you don't mention what happened yesterday because it's in the past -- as in, he's getting better and won't do that again. The other thing is that in abuse you very often look at yourself as having caused it, and since you're blaming yourself for it having happened, you're less apt to tell others what happened -- after all, it was your fault.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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