Help getting back on track

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Help getting back on track
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 10:29pm

I'm Sarah. I'm 28, live with my boyfriend who I have dated for 7 years and nearly engaged..meaning ring is picked out, but we have problems.

I have battled depression since I was 15 and still have trouble letting go of things; I am a jealous person and have found lately my anger is terrible. I sound like a joy to be around I know.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 11:32pm

Relationships are a challenge even you are totally healthy (emotionally and otherwise).

I know that I would not want to commit to a woman if she does not have her sh*t together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2001
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 1:17am

Welcome to the board, Seattlegrl21 ~

Yes, premarital counseling is a really good idea and is highly recommended.

~ cl-2nd_life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 9:57am

You sound impossible. I'm sorry to say it, but at least you do realize it.

I think counseling is a good idea. In fact, I would say it is IMPERATIVE for you two... But at the same time, if you are dealing with depression, you have to be able to take responsibility for this and that means not drinking. If you don't have a problem limiting yourself to a drink or two, then fine, but if you tend to go overboard when you were planning not to, then it would be wise to stop drinking altogether. It's not worth the damage. Not just breaking bones, but the emotional damage to your important relationships.

From your boyfriend's perspective, if he commits to you now, he's committing to a lifetime of being punished. You say you feel like everything is your fault, and that's tough to deal with, but the truth is, if it's your fault, then the only way to stop feeling like a failure is to take responsibility and fix what you can fix. What kind of help are you getting for your depression?

If you want your relationship to succeed, you will have to prove to your boyfriend that marrying you isn't a mistake. That means making changes in your behavior. It may mean getting professional help for your depression (I would make this a priority above premarital counseling). He has to know that things are going to improve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 9:10pm

That's great that you recognize some of your biggest issues and are already seeking counseling.

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 10:29pm

Thank you for your response.