Help, I Keep Getting Stood Up!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Help, I Keep Getting Stood Up!!!!!!
3
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 12:00pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. But here is the situation. This past thursday, three days ago, my bf and I had planned a nice evening at my house. The plan was that he was going to bring the movies and I was going to cook dinner. So i cooked this huge meal that he had requested, and he never showed up. He never called, and I couldn't get in contact with him either. And here it is three days later and I still haven't heard from him. But that isn't the worse, part. This is the third time since we've been together that he's done this. The excuses in the past have consisted of, "well I meant to call you, but I figured you'd be ok," and the other time he went out of town, he said it was something last minute that came up with work, and he told his roommate to tell me when I called that he had to go out of town. Well, of course his roommate never told me. I can't wait to see what the excuse is going to be this time. But I really need help with this one. I dont know what to do. I dont want to dump him, because when we are together it is WONDERFUL. And in the past I have really let him know that he can't keep doing this, and he's promised it won't happen again. I hate to keep throwing tantrums. What more can I do to let him know that this behaviour is unacceptable.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 6:00am
This is a HUGE red flag. You might not see it as one and he may be wonderful at other times, but this is very suspect behavior and if I were you I would take it as a sign and move on.

What he has done is totally irresponsible, selfish and totally without regard for your feelings. Think about when the 'wonderful' stage wears off, this is what you'll be left with.

Let me give you an example - when my (ex) husband and I got together, he was wonderful and we had a wonderful time together, except on a few rare occassions when we would make a date and he would not show up - sometimes for hours, sometimes without a phone call, sometimes I'd page him on his pager and he just wouldn't respond. He'd be full of apologies as soon as we got together and I typically forgave him and put it down to his artistic mentality.

It wasn't an artistic mentality, it was a selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed mentality and I was too blinded by love to see that.

I urge you to see this as the big red flag that it is - if he's doing this now, he'll keep doing it and it'll get worse and worse - maybe it'll be a weekend where he disappears without saying a word, maybe an important occassion when you were relying on him to be there for you.

Trust me - this isn't the end of it, it's just the beginning. Ask yourself if that's what you want in a relationship - somebody you can't fully trust and rely on. You deserve better. As painful as it might be, moving on now is your best bet for avoiding a whole load of future grief.

I wish you all the best.

Peace & Love, Pebbles xox

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Wed, 07-09-2003 - 2:38pm
3 times in only six months? Let him go!!! To forgive is divine but this guy is definitely taking advantage of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 07-10-2003 - 12:07am
It will continue. I am not sure if you should give up or not, but you need to explain to him that he isn't being considerate of your time. Are you two exclusive? If you are exclusive, you need to tell him that you expect him to cherish you and respect you, and being curteous is one of the things. He is self-centered, yes....but, he may just not even know he is doing it. Guys are idiots most of the time, and when you are dealing with one that is self-centered as well...oh my! I know this from experience. My bf does it all the time. And I used to get really hurt by it, and still kinda do. Someone told me once that she was surprised when her husband actually showed up for their wedding and the births of their children...and on time! But if he leaves town without letting you, he is just not being considerate, unless you two are JUST DATING. Then, he doesn't need to report into you. My advice, next time he does it...tell him that he isn't being curteous, and you expect that. And also, stop making plans with him, have him make the efforts.
amy