Help! I said I loved him too soon!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Help! I said I loved him too soon!!!
2
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 12:04am
I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months and sence the first time I met him something stuck out more than anyother guy that I have dated before. After the first day we met we have been talking to eachother nonstop. He lives an hour away from me so we only see eachother on weekends. After the first few times we spent together I started to see myself with him. I could actually see my future in a blurred picture. Never before have I done this I have tried to picture my future but I have not been able to. I can see us getting married and having children. I can see him playing with them. It really freaked me out! I tried to hide all of these feelings I kept getting when I spent time with him and I finally made him a poem about how I felt. I gave it to him in a blank card and left to return home. I spoke to him breifly the next day everything was the same. I didn't ask him what he thought I was too scared. Then I tried to call him that night. No answer. The next day his cell phone went staight to voice mail I left a message. I left one more message the next day. I have not heard from him in a week. I know he is the one I should be with for the rest of my life. I can't explain it. Towards the end of that poem I told him that I loved him. I know there is no one else and that he does really like me but I said I love you too soon. How can I get him back???




Edited 5/17/2003 10:24:04 AM ET by lapeanut

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 4:03pm
It amazes me that someone can convince themself that they have met their soulmate after only 2 months together. You had a great time with him, that does not equate to marriage. If you want to get him back, give him some space. Give him another week, then call him and tell him that you made a mistake and you regret telling him that you loved him so soon. Honesty is the only way to mend this. If he truly was the one for you, you won't have to worry. But please stop fantasizing about a little house with a white picket fence. There is a lot more to marriage than an instant connection.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 1:43pm
The expression of such deeps thoughts and feelings after such a short dating period is inappropriate and the recipient of such feelings has reason to feel concern and alarm as it indicates a needy, clingy person at least and perhaps someone who's emotionally unstable. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying you're any of those things, in fact what you've said would indicate these feelings aren't typical for you. I think though, if you think about someone you've dated in the past having done that to you you probably would have been concerned.

I agree 100% with April. Not only is marriage about a lot more, no matter how much the two of you click at this point you haven't known him long enough to really know who he is. You're still in the "impress each other" stage, putting your best foot forward and being on your best behavior. Only after getting past that point and on to where you both relax and show yourselves as you really are will you get a glimpse of who he really is. There are hundreds of situations you don't know how he'll react in and topics you don't know what his postion on is. Until you know those things you can't know you love him -- your thoughts of love are based on very limited information. You can know everything you've learned up to now is good and you have every reason to believe you'll continue get positives from him, but until you actually get them you can't know. What you're feeling at this point is a chemical reaction (normal), love is what's left when the chemical rush of a new relationship is gone. (Still feels good though, doesn't it?)

I think a week is long enough, you can contact him (if he allows it) and let him know that you realize you got carried away. Maybe tell him that he really like him and that you feel a connection with him you haven't felt before but that you realize it's way too early to have the kinds of feelings or thoughts you indicated in the poem. Tell him it'll take a lot more time for you to know whether this relationship has the potential to be long term or not and that you're in no way wanting or ready for a commitment. You may be able to convince him that you aren't going to end up a stalker or someone who pressures him to get married next week, or you may not. It may be that he's already decided to steer clear of a relationship with you. If that's the case, there's nothing you can do to convince him otherwise; and continued attempts to contact him will only convince him that he's right to stay away. I hope you're able to convince him otherwise, let us know how it goes.

cl-2nd_life








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