HELP ...I WANT MY HUSBAND TO LEAVE!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
HELP ...I WANT MY HUSBAND TO LEAVE!!
16
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 6:52am
Help! I just don't know what to do! My husband has been verbally abusive since before the marriage (2years ago) and slightly physically abusive. He now complains that I am attacking him and "HURTING" and Absuing him becuase I am finally telling him how much he has crushed me. My husband used to have a great paying job that he hated but he has decided to go back to school for a graduate degree so we have moved in with my parents who have been really nice. We have savings. I don't have a job but I am looking but I have no place to go. But I have asking him DAILY for the past 3 weeks to leave. He won't leave. I want him to leave. What can I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 5:15am
Even if your parents are not supportive, it is critical that you remove yourself from this situation. Make your plans, seize your opportunity, and GO. You must take control of your life and save yourself, because no one else will do it for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-19-2006 - 1:59am
It's hard when your parents don't support you. My mother wasn't too supportive either. My mother excused my husband's behavior and felt sorry for him. It was always implied that he was the victim; I kicked him out, poor him. Looking back, I realize I got zero sympathy or understanding. It can also be a little confusing, we tend to look at our parents as being the authority on what's right and wrong, if they don't agree, we must be wrong, right? Wrong. Even if they don't think you're situation is "that bad", it doesn't matter a bit - they don't have to live your life, you do. What would be perfect for them would likely not be at all right for you and versa visa. Your standard of acceptable, happy and satisfying is based on no one's criteria but your own. They wouldn't support you or believe you? Fine. If you don't have a friend who would let you move in temporarily, or who is looking for a permanent roommate, go to a shelter and let them live with him. But get yourself out, no one should have to live with abuse.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 5:25am
I wish I had the guts to leave....really my husband is so infelxible, ungrateful for anything and soo unkind and sooooo UNPLEASANT. I think I hate him. I don't even have any kids! I just have no guts although I will be an attorney come late October or early Nov. when the bar results are announced..becuase I come from a conservative religous background....these people are my family and friends and his family and friends. He looks so sweet ...everyone will basically shun me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 10:23am

Yes, you will lose some friends when you divorce. It happens. The question to ask yourself is, are your friends so valuable to you that you are willing to stay in the marriage for them?

I come from a conservative religious background too, one of the more conservative ones, and divorce is common enough nowadays that a lot of people don't think twice about it.

Decide what you can live with.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 4:01pm
Jen is right--there will be some questioning and commenting, but most people are not as interested in you as you think they are. They will get over it, I promise you, and most of the people who loved you before will still love you. As for those who don't, are they married to him? Then their opinions carry no weight in this matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 10:53pm
Whoa. Staying in an abusive situation for the rest of your life because of what others will think of you if you leave? Their opinion is worth a lifetime of misery and unhappiness? Of course they think he's sweet and wonderful, that's absolutely common in abusers, they present wonderful to the outside world, people think they're the most fantastic men on earth. I can't tell you how many times I was told how lucky I was to have my abusive ex-husband. Those people do not know what he's really like and whether they agree or not, it's not their life, it's yours. They don't live your life, you do; they live their lives and are entitled to lead it any way they choose, just like you. I also agree that I think you'll be surprised and find that you'll have more support than you think.


For the support and understanding you really need to wrestle with your situation, I really urge you to post on the Dealing With Domestic Abuse board and read up on abusive situations on the Domestic Abuse Board's Homepage . You need to better understand your situation and your options, and you could really use the dialogue with others who have been or are in abusive situations. You'll gain more than you think you will.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"

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